tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-77375510978551241092023-11-16T06:02:21.958-05:00Drunk Guy SportsThree guys combining life's greatest gifts: alcohol and boozeThe Boyshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04813054682951573686noreply@blogger.comBlogger61125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7737551097855124109.post-39656290873664411232012-06-06T23:25:00.001-04:002012-06-06T23:51:50.802-04:00Stop Boshing Around<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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5:06 remaining in the first quarter of a pivotal game 5. <o:p></o:p></div>
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The game started out as it should, Miami starting strong as Lebron and
Wade scored 12 out of the Heats first 14 points (<i>classic</i>). Suddenly,
the AmericanAirlines Arena erupts as their third heads to the scorer’s
table. <o:p></o:p></div>
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"Maybe he will put us over the edge to stop father time" says one ailing Heat fan. Or better yet "maybe he will be the consistent third scorer that James and Wade need when
their shots aren’t falling."<o:p></o:p></div>
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To the players, he is a competitive, quiet yet energetic dinosaur
that isn’t afraid to get emotional for the team. Some may say he’s as important as Wade or Lebron to the team’s
success. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Whatever you cast upon Bosh, if Miami can't escape this 3-2 hole
against Boston, Chris Bosh will not be wearing a Heat uniform come next
season. <o:p></o:p><br />
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You read that right.</div>
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For the record, I am not saying Miami should trade Bosh. I am only stating what I believe is the
inevitable. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Miami lost Bosh to an upper abdominal strain in game 1 versus
Indiana. In that time, Miami convincingly
beat the Pacers in six games, and have been adequately competing against one of
the NBA’s hottest teams. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Over the past nine games without Bosh it has become clear that the
Heat do not need him on the court.
Without Bosh, Lebron and Wade are free to do what they thrive at, isolation plays. When you have two
of the best isolation players in the game, why would you want to hold them
back? <o:p></o:p></div>
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With so few defenders in the league that can consistently stop Wade or
Lebron off the dribble, why wouldn’t the Heat utilize their abilities every
game? With Bosh on the court, the
Heat’s game plan suddenly changes to compliment Bosh and this is not how it
should be. When Bosh is on the
floor, he should be complimenting the game plan: running with Wade and Lebron
while being a high-energy player under the basket.<o:p></o:p><br />
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The Heat need a power forward that is <strike>willing a</strike>ble
to run with Wade and Lebron. I
replaced willing because I am sure we all are willing to run with them, but how
many of us, or in the NBA, can honestly say they can keep up with those two on
the break? That’s what I thought. Given a forward that fills these requirements, the already unstoppable
break of the Heat would be even more unstoppable, and the Heat would have more
options other than Haslem for garbage buckets and put backs.<br />
<o:p></o:p></div>
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They also need someone with an inside presence and the willingness to
bang for the boards. Besides Wade
and Lebron, no one on the Heat, especially their front line, is athletic to
bang with the norm of big men in the NBA. Plug in a high energy forward instead of Bosh and you get a consistent
rebounder who is willing to defend the opposing teams best big. <o:p></o:p></div>
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You may not want to hear it, but Bosh is expendable. Put him on 25 other teams and he would
be a key player, but this just isn’t the right scenario for him or the Heat as
a team. His offense can be replaced (his 15 ft jump shot has become a norm for most power forwards), and his defense can be upgraded. Combine that with Pat Riley’s no nonsense
attitude, and the fans and medias constant claims that Miami should be well on their way to their second Larry O’brien trophy in a row, and we'll see the moveable Bosh packing his bags this
summer since Lebron and Wade clearly don’t need him. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Magic Johnson had it right during the
game 1 pre-show, "I’m
picking the Heat because of Lebron and Wade. They’re both playing their best basketball, probably because
of Chris Bosh. Lebron gets to be
the way he was in Cleveland and Wade gets to be Wade."<br />
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Tell me,
do you want to be the one stopping Wade from being Wade and Lebron from being
Lebron? I didn’t think so.<o:p></o:p></div>
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#FreeWade&Lebron<o:p></o:p><br />
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JTU</div>
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<br /></div>The Boyshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04813054682951573686noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7737551097855124109.post-2539807849836629682012-05-09T15:17:00.004-04:002012-05-09T15:17:40.323-04:00GUILLEN WATCH!<i>ll season DGS will be committed to presenting you with all you
need to know about Ozzie Guillen's hi-jinks. Will he swear on national
television? Will he win a hot-dog eating contest? Honestly, who the hell
knows? Stay tuned for the latest and greatest.</i><br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjyX3ScgUlDM0OmGR4ReOA0m5G2qmCn01LIwrX25T_niR9oy6qqY46IrKGB6KDAlqkcrPOROHGqNIfHai2u-nTsXK5jRaB5b3Hf4e9zQxue-t5044ztmMbRFjyXM1LEaNaXIrM2B-xOclQb/s1600/loria" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="222" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjyX3ScgUlDM0OmGR4ReOA0m5G2qmCn01LIwrX25T_niR9oy6qqY46IrKGB6KDAlqkcrPOROHGqNIfHai2u-nTsXK5jRaB5b3Hf4e9zQxue-t5044ztmMbRFjyXM1LEaNaXIrM2B-xOclQb/s320/loria" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"What have I done...?"</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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I often use the expression, "grow up" sarcastically to friends because 1, I am wildly immature and 2, it amuses me. Ozzie Guillen, however, recently used the phrase to deflect a question regarding his pro-Castro comments from earlier this year. When asked by Houston radio host, Paul Gallant whether the heat has died down in Miami Castro had this to say:<br />
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<a href="http://sportsradiointerviews.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/Ozzie-Tells-Bootsy-to-fuck-off-edited.mp3" target="_blank"><span style="color: red;">Fucking grow up,</span> <span style="color: red;">motherfucker</span></a><br />
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Wonderful.<br />
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This is the kind of stuff that makes us love Ozzie. How dare you ask the man about his spectacular blunder. His quick temper and foul language please me to no end. If Marlins owner, Jeffery Loria ever wanted to buy another team he could just implement a swear jar for Guillen.<br />
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<b><i>Team Status: </i></b>15-15, virtually the same place we last saw them. A slow start is slowly morphing into a mediocre season. Still plenty of time, though.<br />
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<i><b>Level of Regret in Management: </b></i>I could hear Loria slap his forehead into his palm from here. I can picture the conversation now:<br />
<br />
Loria: Ozzie why would you say that?!<br />
<br />
Ozzie: Say what? What are you talking about?<br />
<br />
Loria: You swore at that guy!<br />
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Ozzie: Fucking grow up, motherfucker.<br />
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<i><b>Ozzie's Disposition: </b></i>I have a suspicion that he has already forgot this ever happened. Happy.<br />
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<i><b>Next Stunt Prediction: </b></i>Last time I predicted him fighting a cameraman. I was kind of close...<i><b> </b></i>But I think his next stunt will baseball related. Maybe shoving an umpire? That would be fucking sweet.<br />
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Until next time,<br />
<br />
<i><b>Grow up you motherfuckers.</b></i><br />
<br />
-BJWS<i><b> </b></i> <br />
<br />
Source: http://www.nydailynews.com/sports/baseball/ozzie-guillen-curses-radio-host-question-castro-comments-article-1.1075015The Boyshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04813054682951573686noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7737551097855124109.post-40442238330065124232012-05-08T13:42:00.000-04:002012-05-08T13:51:15.324-04:00An Open Letter To Stephen RossDear Stevie,<br />
<br />
Hey pal, how's it goin'? You'd have us all believe it's going just splendid, wouldn't you? Here's what I think. It's not going well, it's been kind of shitty hasn't it? You hired an inept GM who pissed away an offseason and you won't fire him because of some allegiance to Bill Parcells' legacy (that is seriously the only thing I can think of). Why is he still here? Well, I have a couple items to discuss with you about this and more, so put on your best spectacles. <br />
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Jeff Fireland didn't just piss away an offseason, sir, HE FUCKED IT UP ROYALLY. Let's look back at the Peyton Manning situation now that we have enough dignity to pull our heads out of the sand. Even if Manning <i>had</i> expressed direct interest in Miami, what negative effect would Brandon Marshall have on the team? Perhaps the two seasons of good behavior and more production than any receiver since OJ McDuffie (respect) weren't any indication of his potential to complement Manning perfectly, OR any young quarterback (like Tannehill) as he has shown with Jay Cutler, Chad Henne and Matt Moore throughout his career. No, no, by all means let him walk for a third round pick. FUCKASS.<br />
<br />
Although, we were never close. Manning wouldn't even meet you in Miami. We were left holding our dicks while you made bold promise after broken promise. Are you and Ireland best friends? Why was he allowed to do this? Why did most Dolphins fans think that we had a chance in the Manning-sweepstakes? Then he committed to Denver and it was revealed that WE NEVER HAD A FUCKING SHOT. Oh, shucks, we were real close this time a derp a derp a derp. What the fuck man? Make a statement that shows the respect you need to have for your fan-base that is ever so pissed. Shed some light for us, tell us you are withdrawing from the race for Manning to pursue a more viable option. Something! <i>Anything</i> but getting embarrassed like that. Retain some dignity.<br />
<br />
And, what the fuck is Ireland doing? I know it's cliched to criticize a GM and all, but at some point someone has to say, "wow, that guy is actually fucking up large." Matt Flynn goes to Seattle. He actually came to Miami. He actually expressed interest, has NFL experience, and has played for Joe Philbin. Let's let him walk. Let's not try and move up for a higher pick in the draft. Let's sell our best asset, and KEEP our least stable one in Reggie Bush, when we could have sold him high. <br />
<br />
Can we not build on the second half of last season? This team could play. I hope to god they can continue to play this year in spite of management. "No one wants to play there," says Ryan Clark of the Steelers. Maybe it's because our GM asks draftees personal questions that have ZERO football or character relevance. Maybe it's because this franchise has been a bastardized version of the proud one we once knew. Maybe it's because players know they are going to be learning a new system in two years once [INSERT COACH] gets the boot. <br />
<br />
Can I say Tannehill was a bad pick? Yes. Were Ireland's hands tied? Yes. But he's the fucking idiot who tied them (I don't know the logistics of this, but it's possible). He put the team in the position where it HAD to draft Tannehill. The kid is a lottery ticket. He could turn out to be a good pick, but right now Ireland is acting on a whim. He has played 19 <i>college</i> games at QB. His talent is undeniable, but neither were Jamrcus Russell's or Akili Smith's at this time. I hope to god he develops into a great player, but I sure as fuck don't want my GM to be spending 8th overall on a whim.<br />
<br />
Who knows, maybe he will explode onto the scene al la Cam Newton - but he could also never develop into what we need. Ireland either looks like a genius or somehow worse than he does now when this is over. Why are you letting this man gamble with your team? You say you drafted this kid to sell tickets? When? No one is going to pay or put the Fins on MNF to watch a handsome guy hold a fucking clipboard. Call it what it is: a risky draft pick who needs time and probably won't see action until late season, if at all. STOP DICKING US AROUND! Here's the way I see it: if Tannehill fails, you fail. You let Fireland call the shots for too long and haven't found a stable coach. Don't get me started on how you ruined Sparano, either. You bought an expensive lottery ticket that is either going to take us back to where we need to be, or he busts. If that is the case, you need to either get the fuck out or get Parcells the fuck back in to make some real (and right) decisions.<br />
<br />
Relentlessly terrible hirings and picks for well over a decade (barring Parcells) has trudged all of us through endless mediocrity and worse. You can change all of this, Stephen. We all smell like shit and I need to stop cringing when people ask me who my team is. Fireland, and let's move on together, step-by-step. You can change all of this.<br />
<br />
Or, at least, blame it on Nick Saban.<br />
<br />
-BJWS <br />
<br />
<br />The Boyshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04813054682951573686noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7737551097855124109.post-3916167713935484912012-05-03T13:53:00.003-04:002012-05-03T14:17:22.262-04:00Woe is the Knicks<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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“0 chance.”<br />
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That’s the reply I received after texting my friend today. “Knicks?” is all I said. The two word reply was what I got in return, which was unfortunate because I needed a ride home from the train station.<br />
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The Knicks are in trouble. All fire extinguisher punching aside, the Knicks’ problems are more than glass-sliced skin deep. Melo entered the playoffs as the hottest scorer in the NBA, Tyson Chandler might have stolen defensive player of the year with his game in the last month of the season, Shumpert and the supporting cast were playing inspired ball, and Jeremy Lin was seemingly unnecessary.<br />
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Looks can be deceiving.<br />
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The Knicks were doomed from the beginning of this series. Before I begin, I am in no way condoning the controlled bombing that Philly made us all stomach when they realized they couldn’t finish higher than seventh. Although, with the greatest facepalm of all time in Derrick Rose’s exploded knee, the 76ers might have found a way into the second round (but probably not). The Heat on the other hand have looked like a bear that has come out of hibernation hungry for blood. Bears eat blood right? This is nothing new, the Heat are the most intimidating playoff team since Iceland in Mighty Ducks 2 (“THE GOALIEEE!”).<br />
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<br />
LeBron always plays his most inspired ball for the first two rounds of the playoffs and secures his MVP trophy. D-Wade is a legitimate assassin in the playoffs, causing fits for defenders with relentless penetration (that’s what she said); and Bosh will exist as well. SIDE NOTE: After two “playoff runs,” in Toronto, I know what a Boshtrich means in the playoffs: everyone goes home sad and saying, “I guess he played hard...But, like, that was shitty...” HE’S A REAL C U NEXT TUESDAY. Has anyone else noticed how sad, and out of the loop he looks lately? His sadness pleases me in the creepiest ways possible.<br />
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How does any of the pertain to New York? It all pertains to New York you fucking idiot, they’re in a playoff series. I’m sorry, that was rude.<br />
<br />
NYC was out-sucked to the 8th spot and are now down 2-0 to the Heat. I don’t understand the popular opinion that was the Heat were in shambles and actually a decent matchup. They never were. The Heat play for three things: 1st place (couldn’t, so they relaxed a tad), playoffs, and the finals. I can’t say championships because they looked like a JV team games 5-6 against Dallas. HOWEVER, the playoffs have been their focus since Chicago proved to be relentless in their pursuit for first place. This means that the Knicks walked into legitimately, the most dangerous team this year. Melo can score 45 and Tyson can defend the rack all night, but LeBron is going to out-EVERYTHING you by just playing like an absolute monster, Wade is going to be the classic pest with the potential to go off, and, when their supporting cast (LOOKING AT YOU MIKE MILLER) is nailing threes: FORGETABOUTIT.<br />
<br />
My friend Matt reiterated his previous statement. Verbatim:<br />
<br />
"they don't have a answer for Miami, their 2 lines are way better than knicks, if they focus to much on lebron he kicks it out to chalmers for 3 or jones for 3, wade is ready to win, lebron is 2nd to wade and still scored 25 plus. The only weak link I see is bosh."<br />
<br />
Couldn't have said it better. Well, grammatically I could have. Also, WE ALL SEE YOU BOSH YOU DUMB IDIOT, YOU LOOK LIKE AN OSTRICH.<br />
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<br />
But, we all could have seen this coming.<br />
<br />
The Heat have absolutely THRASHED NYC this season, with nearly a 20+/- differential in points. The Knicks were averaging -10 in points scored and +10 in points given up against Miami this season. You have to believe, at least the scoring numbers, would be elevated in playoff time. This is fucking science people. ACTUAL STATISTICS BEHIND MY LOGIC! IMAGINE THAT.<br />
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The second reason the Knicks were doomed is this: Amar’e Stoudemire hasn’t been the same player since Carmelo arrived in New York. I remember last October putting a sizable amount of money down on Amar’e to win MVP (I know I threw it away, shut up). Through the first two months of last season Amar’e was averaging close to 30 points and rebounding the Knicks into a half-decent team. Then Melo arrived and two things happened. One, Amar’e took a minute to relax because the pressure was no longer squarely on his shoulders, and he collapsed. He had been working himself to death and just didn’t realize it. A player with no knee ligaments left and that age tells me that those couple months were Amar’e's last hurrah. It was porrly timed. If Amar’e coasted in NYC the first part of last season (most likely making him the most criticized member of the Knicks franchise since Isiah Thomas' coaching stint) and made his push with Carmelo, healthy in April, we would still be talking about the East Finals from 2011.<br />
<br />
BUT, this brings me to my second point: The dynamic was always off. Melo is a great possession scorer who needs the ball in his hands. NYC took the scorer over the passer and sacrificed Amar’e’s go-to, the pick-and-roll. The man literally made a living off of rolling with Nash and crushing the ball home. His supplemental game is a possession mid-range jump shooter which he has to rely on with most possessions in New York going to Melo, and no point guard to have a 2-man game with. He doesn’t have the speed and decisiveness to consistently get to the rim from an iso anymore and it has been especially apparent since Carmelo arrived.<br />
<br />
The other point of concern that we could have foreseen is that Melo can’t multi-task. AT ALL. When he needs to defend, he can’t score. When he needs to score, he can’t defend. In games where Carmelo has to defend a 3 that is a scoring threat his FG% plummets. In games this season where Melo has scored well (.400+), he has an average defensive rating well over 110 points allowed per 100 possessions. When he shoots over 50%, he allows even more points per possession. You have to believe defending LeBron in the playoffs will inflate these numbers. So, when the Knicks need Melo for a herculean effort he’ll knock down 40 - but be a turnstile on the other end.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://endlesspicdump.com/resized/the%20turnstile%20asshole.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://endlesspicdump.com/resized/the%20turnstile%20asshole.gif" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Defense</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
When Melo isn't scoring, the Knicks don’t have the secondary scoring that Lin provided during his dramatic run this season. Chandler can’t play without proper screen and go plays and a 2-man game (much like old man Amar’e), Shumpert is hurtert and was never really a threat on the offensive end, and when it really comes down to it the Knicks supporting cast is actually pretty terrible. With the exception of Landry Fields and Baron Davis (who have been wildly inconsistent) there is no one to turn to alleviate pressure from Melo offensively or defensively. There’s no Shane Battier, Reggie Evans, or Tony Allen to lock players down when it counts. Iman Shumpert was their best perimeter defender by far and we all know how that ended...<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhxq_RWa80Cxcv9i1KmdcPV2tVwpgID8uq6wB-ubttE3v5s_hhaywTk7yOaCut5W4kgjBZ4J6QaN0lrItmYhpTs8C9Wi68CuPAEl-ubFMpNW6f0YSmUUS7tbjz1zqmL3xN37Nbu4D-1BzSA/s1600/shumpert_iman640_640.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhxq_RWa80Cxcv9i1KmdcPV2tVwpgID8uq6wB-ubttE3v5s_hhaywTk7yOaCut5W4kgjBZ4J6QaN0lrItmYhpTs8C9Wi68CuPAEl-ubFMpNW6f0YSmUUS7tbjz1zqmL3xN37Nbu4D-1BzSA/s320/shumpert_iman640_640.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br /></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
There’s no OJ Mayo, James Harden, Paul George, or Lou Williams to come in and rack up quick points. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE ME SOME STEVE NOVAK. But, he can only hit spot up treys and isn't the answer here. Maybe I'm wrong and for the next four games he'll nail 50 threes and shoot .600... Can we all pray for this together? Just think of all the Discount Double Checks we would see! <br />
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<a href="http://meloshipofthering.files.wordpress.com/2012/03/bimgy.gif?w=593" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="179" src="http://meloshipofthering.files.wordpress.com/2012/03/bimgy.gif?w=593" width="320" /></a></div>
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<br />
As far as I can see, there’s no way the Knicks aren’t going to be swept up like a shattered dream (WHAT A SIMILE! I’M A LITERARY MONSTER). If I work for that organization I’m sending Jeremy Lin on the next flight to Germany where they can apparently repair any ailment; I can only assume with some kind of dark magic. His presence and what he did for Amar’e and Chandler was completely understated because people focused on his scoring and assist numbers. His ability to draw attention away from the fact that Amar’e Stoudemire and Carmelo Anthony were on the floor - basically eliminating any deny-the-ball defense was instrumental in their mid-season success. <br />
<br />
Lin is still a series off though. A series the Knicks will never see unfortunately. Amar’e fucked his hand up in one of the dumbest moves EVER, Baron Davis will continue to jack up threes and not dish to the roller off of screens, Shumpert will continue to have a blown out knee, and the bench will contribute nothing. Now, down 2-0 I can't see a way this team escapes the Heat. Sorry Melo, not this year. My friend, Drunk GM would probably say: Deal Amar’e for a defensive lock-down SF/SG like Matt Barnes, a low-post scorer, and run with Lin and Anthony until the cows come home. <br />
<br />
Fuck, is it too late to get get in a time machine and NOT trade Chauncy Billups? Yes because time travel doesn’t exist.<br />
<br />
My real concern is who is going to stop the Heat now. Because, you know, them winning would be shitty. Damn you, Tom Thibodeau.<br />
<br />
-BJWS <br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
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<br />The Boyshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04813054682951573686noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7737551097855124109.post-2376503894542999222012-04-28T12:25:00.002-04:002012-04-28T14:14:59.483-04:00Sex, Drugs and Playoffs: Western Conference<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjBxkL_jrB7R8ruGGHfyYuFHSDh-t4VjlSFxwBqIRhxOyg8RZrzfjnzkIUBnf89g36u4W8mlC5q-HTl8IU53aMuEQagybwdICm14Zk2nxV_M5rt0qqPbkcNpXhA6o3E1y5z-qTFIIxwyO9b/s1600/Slide1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjBxkL_jrB7R8ruGGHfyYuFHSDh-t4VjlSFxwBqIRhxOyg8RZrzfjnzkIUBnf89g36u4W8mlC5q-HTl8IU53aMuEQagybwdICm14Zk2nxV_M5rt0qqPbkcNpXhA6o3E1y5z-qTFIIxwyO9b/s320/Slide1.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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Where the fuck has the time gone? </div>
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I remember when David Stern was twisting this league by the
balls during lockout negotiations, how little hope I had for a 2012 NBA
season. Then, suddenly, on that
glorious November evening, an agreement was made to end the lockout
and basketball was back in our lives.
The honeymoon phase felt like yesterday, and the sex was nice
too. Skip through the boring
middle of the NBA season and now the action is starting to heat up: the
divorce. It’s been a good run
(season) but its time to close things up (file the papers), and only one team
(person) can come out on top (NBA Champions)<i> </i><br />
<br />
<i>(EDITOR'S NOTE: You know a shocking amount about divorce for a 21 year-old spinster). </i><br />
<br />
Hearts will be broken, heroes will be made, souls will be
eaten, and Scalabrine will rein (I’m a poet and didn’t even know it). </div>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj9jvDBYHcUf8yG4z0CeAs48zVKIkROc-5wKrc2y7OYucnnGfsZVsNTj_DuSH7VjVT45ZneUIejOX-VrEX6boqq0T-TXnaImALHM1T4yTg2BsU-aOu29DIYbDpa5dYBdbZAszPnLLLYwgCE/s1600/425792_383880671640463_367810133247517_1384855_509767898_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="192" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj9jvDBYHcUf8yG4z0CeAs48zVKIkROc-5wKrc2y7OYucnnGfsZVsNTj_DuSH7VjVT45ZneUIejOX-VrEX6boqq0T-TXnaImALHM1T4yTg2BsU-aOu29DIYbDpa5dYBdbZAszPnLLLYwgCE/s320/425792_383880671640463_367810133247517_1384855_509767898_n.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Pictures speak louder than words</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<a name='more'></a><br />
Until the NBA Finals, DrunkGuySports will be previewing
every series in every round until a winner is crowned. The 2012 NBA playoffs promise to be as
entertaining as the first time you watched Indiana Jones, and as dramatic as
watching a fat kids reaction when he finds out the ice cream store ran out of
chocolate. The point is, there is
nothing like playoff basketball, so lets see what the Wild Wild West has in store of us (I hope you enjoyed that seamless Will Smith reference as much as I did):</div>
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<b>#1 San Antonio Spurs
Vs #8 Utah Jazz<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhWVBFyYrasT_8pMc1OvdYsS0ro5Fwp0eNG5V9Hm-ZV_BX9fvko20UgwU72R_p-DgpCO56cHYREGbd1a3SOHvARIljsXwFRKlZR1CP1t7DVqzq0W6xk4GCjIwlIWxkiiPFQ-0PVOIzn1gs5/s1600/Slide1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhWVBFyYrasT_8pMc1OvdYsS0ro5Fwp0eNG5V9Hm-ZV_BX9fvko20UgwU72R_p-DgpCO56cHYREGbd1a3SOHvARIljsXwFRKlZR1CP1t7DVqzq0W6xk4GCjIwlIWxkiiPFQ-0PVOIzn1gs5/s320/Slide1.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Utah: Where a few people know your name... </td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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San Antonio will not screw this up again, that is a
DrunkGuyPromise. Last year, San
Antonio posted the best record in the west and lost to the eighth seeded
Grizzlies who barley made the playoffs.
The Jazz enter the playoffs in a very similar situation, but they
clearly do not have the tools to pull off a Memphis style run. I think the Jazz can compete; they have
a wicked home court and for a supposedly rebuilding team making a playoff run
in their first rebuilding year, not bad at all you crazy Mormons. Paul Millsap and Al Jefferson are the real deal, but I'd rather have Mr. Bank Shot Tim Duncan in any day or age. </div>
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Unfortunately for Utah, the Spurs are built for this type of
team. Utah is deep, and everyone
can contribute. However, San
Antonio is deeper and everyone on their roster can contribute more quality
minutes than Utah’s roster.
Baring any injuries - San Antonio should have this series in the bag,
most likely dropping 1-2 due to the crazies in Utah.</div>
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<b>San Antonio in 5.</b><br />
<b></b><br />
<b></b><br />
<b><o:p></o:p></b></div>
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<b><br /></b><br />
<u><i>Mr. West Side's Take:</i></u><br />
<i>I agree, San Antonio needs to be featured on a Cialis commercial soon. "WE CAN STILL GET IT DONE!" *wink at camera* </i><br />
<b><br /></b></div>
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</div>
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<b>#2 Oklahoma City
Thunder Vs #7 Dallas Mavericks.<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjDy_BDomb385yO-6Mv1LiVKypegin2qXXI0t8ZgomaOaQhKhmroflow3jGrO0eYOG-DEJHyGo0bEA49mMSccT2q9neGi4Z-Q8Vo060ebSdBhdjUwYqKaLRlNECeoHN7CkJW5wOMOcDBcin/s1600/Slide2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjDy_BDomb385yO-6Mv1LiVKypegin2qXXI0t8ZgomaOaQhKhmroflow3jGrO0eYOG-DEJHyGo0bEA49mMSccT2q9neGi4Z-Q8Vo060ebSdBhdjUwYqKaLRlNECeoHN7CkJW5wOMOcDBcin/s320/Slide2.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Nice Mug Shots</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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OKC is primed for another title run and Dallas is on its
last legs. This has the potential
to be as entertaining as the Western Conference Finals matchup a year ago
between these two teams. Although
Dallas has been playing some serious ball since the all-star break (we assume
all the old timers needed the previous months to get into shape), I don’t
believe they have the legs to keep up with OKC time time around. </div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Durant and Westbrook will continue to wow us on offense, and Dallas will have no response for that. Dallas can only win if two miracles
occur: 1) Dirk plays to the godly level he played in last years playoffs, and
2) Dallas plays its best defense since last years finals. Since Tyson Chandler is not on Dallas’s
roster, don’t count on any of these miracles. </div>
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<br /></div>
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Also, its time to start fearing the beard. Luckily for us, we get to see the two of the best players off the bench in the past decade in James Harden and Jason Terry. This series will be the stepping stone for James Harden's career, as he goes shot for shot with Jason Terry to lead their respectful bench units. Bearing Harden recovers from World Peace's 'Mike Tyson' of an elbow, it's going to be special when these two are on the court, as we watch the young gun in Harden take the throne from Jason Terry as best scorer off the bench.</div>
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<b><br /></b></div>
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<b><span style="color: #b45f06;">Thunder in 5</span></b><br />
<br />
<div style="color: white;">
<u><i>Mr. West Side's Take:</i></u></div>
<span style="color: black;"><i><span style="color: white;">Passing the torch of best bench scorer has to be one of the best asteisms ever. Also, I'm afraid that Harden no long has two ears after that 'bow. Metta brought all the peace in the world on that one. OKC is the right pick, though. </span> </i></span><b><span style="color: #b45f06;"> </span><o:p></o:p></b></div>
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</div>
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<b>#3 Los Angeles Lakers
Vs #6 Denver Nuggets<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj0VSok2MA7tc33B2IPoXqs7lT1UGoNpNMmOxT65UVo1MWRndY672aZp4Oo7zwv8xgYkWGiUnBBpgKFdOmQOJuycuIQP5GLrdf1xccANcXctqOioaYNCAFvRxGoAqyfhi0eLsRCBAeq42wb/s1600/Slide3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj0VSok2MA7tc33B2IPoXqs7lT1UGoNpNMmOxT65UVo1MWRndY672aZp4Oo7zwv8xgYkWGiUnBBpgKFdOmQOJuycuIQP5GLrdf1xccANcXctqOioaYNCAFvRxGoAqyfhi0eLsRCBAeq42wb/s320/Slide3.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">need caption? denver is looking at mcgee, maybe he did something</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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Honestly, this will be the most boring series in the West. The Lakers will win, but it
will be a frustrating battle for them as they try to work out the kinks in
their offense and defense. Kobe
Bryant has yet to play/practice a full week since his shin injuries, so we have
no idea how he’s going to respond to Bynum’s emergence. The Lakers have the best chance to shoot
themselves in the foot in this series. </div>
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<br /></div>
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Denver is a deep team and everyone can contribute on a
nightly basis. What they’re
missing is the star power, they don’t have that one person who can take over
games when need be, and that’s something the Lakers need to take advantage
of. Ty Lawson is Denver’s
X-factor. If he can turn it on and
play like J.J. Barea did for Dallas lat playoffs, he can really make life a
living hell for the Lakers. We
know they struggle against fast point guards, and Sessions hasn’t really been
tested yet, so this matchup can be very interesting.</div>
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All in all, I have the Lakers winning. They wont dominate, and they’ll let Denver
stick around, probably to prolong the series so Metta World Peace can come back
and throw another elbow when they face OKC in the second round. Denver can take this series, but they
need to ride Lawson and play incredible defense on Bynum and Gasol</div>
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*Meanwhile, Javale Mcgee is off doing god knows what<br />
<br /></div>
<b><span style="color: #351c75; font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt;">Lakers in 6</span></b><br />
<br />
<div style="color: white;">
<u><span style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt;"><i>Mr. West Side's Take:</i></span></u></div>
<div style="color: white;">
<span style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt;"><i>Denver is a team that makes people go: "Oh yeah, forgot they existed for a minute." No star power, but they have been getting it done all season. That being said, Kobe has been acting extra Kobe lately, and I would even push this to a potential sweep. Happy Broomas y'all. </i></span><b><span style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt;"> </span></b>
</div>
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<b><span style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt;"><br /></span></b></div>
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</div>
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<b>#4 Memphis Grizzlies
Vs #5 Los Angeles Clippers <o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhi5pXyHgUMWyDkmzFazJY7P58NYHYcDdb0fexysHTv4-nTYaaEssoE1EhiFN4L687dFu9YAAU3TLHaU1RIiIVcBSSvFbjx8FXqd1_q5FRyalFwrLN1yQsMnt86EXbPm9xkAMkzKUX4PUGb/s1600/Slide4.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhi5pXyHgUMWyDkmzFazJY7P58NYHYcDdb0fexysHTv4-nTYaaEssoE1EhiFN4L687dFu9YAAU3TLHaU1RIiIVcBSSvFbjx8FXqd1_q5FRyalFwrLN1yQsMnt86EXbPm9xkAMkzKUX4PUGb/s320/Slide4.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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This has the potential to be one of the most entertaining
series in the entire west. “Lob
City” is going to try to show everyone they mean business after finally making
the playoffs for the first time since the Cold War.
Memphis, however, is going to take this opportunity and pounce on it. We all know how hard they played last
playoffs, taking OKC to 7 games before being ousted. Memphis is going to come out with that exact energy from
last year, and in my mind will take this series.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Memphis has marked this day in their calendar since last
year. They know they are a playoff
team, and in their mind can beat anyone in the West in a seven game
series. I bet they’re laughing at
the Clippers, only because they’re standing in Memphis’s way. Gay (<i>not that
there’s anything wrong with that</i>) and company have all the tools to beat the
Clippers offensively and defensively. Clippers will try, but not even the heroics of Chris Paul,
who may or may not be injured for this series, can dig the Clippers out of this
round victorious.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>Side Note: who gets
the first flagrant foul/offensive foul/shove on Blake Griffin? My moneys on Gay</i>.</div>
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<b><span style="color: blue;">Memphis in 6</span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: blue;"></span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: blue;"><o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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<div style="color: white;">
<u><i>Mr. West Side's Take:</i></u></div>
<div style="color: white;">
<i>I picked Memphis to go deep this year purely based on last season. You would think having Gay this time around would give them some leverage. CP3 is frightening in the playoffs though. I see this going seven games and being one of the best first round series' EVER. DUNKS! PASSES! A GASOL BROTHER! ZEEBO! A 37% CLIPPER FREE THROW %! CP3 ALWAYS BEING ANGRY! ETC.! </i></div>
<b><br /></b></div>
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Be sure to check out
our <a href="http://drunkguysports.blogspot.ca/2012/04/sex-drugs-and-playoffs-eastern.html" target="_blank"><span style="color: #674ea7;">Eastern Conference</span></a> playoff preview of the first round!</div>
<br />
Until next round,<br />
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<div class="MsoNormal">
JTU</div>
<br />The Boyshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04813054682951573686noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7737551097855124109.post-2445218068325459352012-04-28T12:25:00.001-04:002012-04-28T14:11:18.230-04:00Sex, Drugs and Playoffs: Eastern Conference<br />
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Where the fuck has the time gone? </div>
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I remember when David Stern was twisting this league by the balls during lockout negotiations, how little hope I had for a 2012 NBA season. Then, suddenly, on that glorious November evening, an agreement was made to end the lockout and basketball was back in our lives. The honeymoon phase felt like it was yesterday, and the sex was nice too. Skip through the boring middle of the NBA season and now the action is starting to heat up: the divorce. It’s been a good run (season) but its time to close things up (file the papers), and only one team (person) can come out on top (NBA Champions). Hearts will be broken, heroes will be made, souls will be eaten, and Scalabrine will rein (I’m a poet and I didn’t even know it).</div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="font-size: 13px;">Pictures speak louder than words</td></tr>
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Until the NBA Finals, DrunkGuySports will be previewing every series in every round until we are crowned a winner. The 2012 NBA playoffs promise to be as entertaining as the first time you watched Indiana Jones, and as dramatic as watching a fat kids reaction when he finds out the ice cream store ran out of chocolate. The point is, there is nothing like playoff basketball, so lets see what the eastern conference has in store of us:<br />
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<b>#1 Chicago Bulls Vs #8
Philadelphia 76'ers<o:p></o:p></b></div>
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The Chicago Bulls played a complete style of basketball the
entire season, and their record holds true. They play hard every night, defend on every possession and
are thriving off the resurgence of Loul Deng. That being said, Chicago has a chance to sweep this team,
and in my mind Chitown can beat Philly in a 7 games series even if Derrick
Rose wasn’t playing.</div>
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That doesn’t mean the Philadelphia is bad, in fact they also
played a complete style of basketball this year. To me they are a true team, they play off each other and
each person knows their role. You
know team chemistry is working when your leading scorer is coming off the
bench. Unfortunately, this is just
an awful matchup for them since Chicago has them beat at every position. I bet they regret that awful slump they had post
all-star game that made them finish with the #8 seed. Unfortunately for Philly, it will be another first round
exit to a superior team yet again.<br />
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<b><span style="color: red;">Chicago in 4</span><o:p></o:p></b></div>
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<u><i>Mr. West Side's Take: </i> </u><br />
<i>It's hard for me to see Philly getting swept here. But, then again it's the first round of the NBA Playoffs: The week the broom companies call "Broomas" (That's Broom and Christmas combined for those who didn't understand my terrible joke). Good pick.</i><br />
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<b>#2 Miami Heat Vs #7
New York Knicks<o:p></o:p></b></div>
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I just came a little (<i>and you think I am joking</i>).</div>
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This is going to be the best series of all time. This series is going to be as intense
as that 300 movie, the 10-second countdown from Rocky II and the Cuban Missile Crisis rolled into one. I’m picturing Wade and Lebron going shot for shot with Melo, and I’m
already mesmerized, and this is all in my fucking head too. There is going to be so much swagger in
this series, Tupac's hologram is going to have a hissy fit that no one is paying
attention to him anymore.</div>
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Believe it or not, New York has a shot at taking this
series. Since the NBA is rigged
for profit, David Stern will not allow this series to have no less than 7
games, the first 6 games will be meaningless. However, they will be entertaining. The Lebron questions are sure to come
out of its shell, and don’t forget about the chemistry issues in New York (also,
I’m praying someone on Miami gets jiggy with Lebrons mom). Shot for shot, I think New York has
more weapons the Miami. They also
have the biggest x-factor in the NBA: Tyson Chandler</div>
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Tyson Chandler single-handedly anchored the Knicks defense
this season, and is deserving of the defensive player of the year award because
of this. Last season, Tyson did the
exact same thing and lead Dallas to a NBA championship. If Tyson can lock down the middle and
frustrate Miami’s stars like he did last series he faced against the Heat, New
York has a shot. In my mind, Tyson is the key to this series for both sides;
if Miami can find a way by him, the Heat win this series. However, if Tyson continues to man up like he has been all season, and
stirs up some fire and a defensive attitude into the Knicks, this is going to be
one hell of a series New York can steal.</div>
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<b><span style="color: #b45f06;">New York in 7<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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<u><i>Mr. West Side's Take:</i></u><br />
<i>I did make this bold prediction in our last podcast, so I don't hate this pick. Unfortunately, I hate myself and am I gigantic moron... This is a bad pick, Josh.</i><br />
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<b>#3 Indiana Pacers Vs
Orlando Magic<o:p></o:p></b></div>
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This could have been a series</div>
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If Dwight Howard was healthy enough to play, this would
actually make a very entertaining series.
Indiana has turned heads this year with their consistent play and the
emergence of young big man Roy Hibbert.
David West provides leadership they desperately needed as well as a
second threat on offense. Indiana
is the real deal. </div>
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Orlando can score.
They live and die by the three, and even though Indiana claimed that
Orlando is still a threat without Dwight, Big Baby Davis just hurt his
ankle and claims it still hurts, although he will play. Orlando is too bruised to make this a
series, they may win a game by scoring 50+ points from the three point line,
but again, one win doesn’t win you a series. You don’t win series with J.J. Reddick shooting 15+ shots;
it just doesn’t work like that. </div>
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Bye Bye Orlando, and bye bye Dwight, but that’s a whole
other story right there.</div>
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<b><span style="color: #f1c232;">Indiana in 5</span></b><br />
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<u><i>Mr. West Side's Take:</i></u><br />
<i>When your go-to for point production is JJ Reddick, and your team is not 2006 Duke - you're kind of fucked. Indiana is quietly becoming the team I wish I was smart enough to have picked a while ago. OH WAIT, MY 800$ PAYOUT FROM THE SPORTS BOOK AT THE MANADALAY BAY CASINO SAYS OTHERWISE! I'm a fucking genius. </i><br />
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<b>#4 Boston Celtics Vs
#5 Atlanta Hawks<o:p></o:p></b></div>
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Boston will take this series as Atlanta has failed pull together a playoff run year after year.
Boston is bigger, stronger, tougher and just an overall better
team. This is also Boston’s final
run with their big three + Rondo, so they are going to give Atlanta and any
team that faces them everything they got.
Even with Al Horford, Atlanta would not be able to handle these old time
Celtics.</div>
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Atlanta will compete and make a series out of this, but
Boston will just out muscle them physically and mentally to take this
series. I know this series has a
really boring preview, but I can assure you its going to be a really boring
series. </div>
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<b><span style="color: lime;">Boston in 6.</span><o:p></o:p></b></div>
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<u><i>Mr. West Side's Take:</i></u><br />
<i>Could this go down as the most boring series in NBA history? I picture it being a cross between paint drying and re-runs of JAG. Celtics win, BOOORING. </i><br />
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Until next round,</div>
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JTU<br />
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Be sure to check out our <a href="http://drunkguysports.blogspot.ca/2012/04/sex-drugs-and-playoffs-western.html" target="_blank"><span style="color: #674ea7;"><span style="color: red;">Western</span> <span style="color: red;">Conference</span></span></a><span style="color: red;"> </span>preview of the first round!</div>
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</div>The Boyshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04813054682951573686noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7737551097855124109.post-89276517778705511872012-04-21T16:02:00.000-04:002012-04-21T16:02:44.365-04:00The Official DGS Theme SongIt was a close one, sorry <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=__HeE6NWmDE" target="_blank">Hot Problems</a> but we have decided to go with the superb piece entitled The Baddest by Krispy Kreme.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/plPsnWFng0w?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div><br />
This upperlip-sweaty man who seemingly has 400 of everything, and isn't very tall (but he'll fight you) is probably the greatest unrecognized artist of the year.<br />
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"I had to fight my whole life, I could beat you up even if you had one-thousand knives."<br />
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Poetry.The Boyshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04813054682951573686noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7737551097855124109.post-76834809668861848312012-04-21T13:57:00.001-04:002012-04-21T13:58:26.832-04:00GUILLEN WATCH!<i>All season DGS will be committed to presenting you with all you need to know about Ozzie Guillen's hi-jinks. Will he swear on national television? Will he win a hot-dog eating contest? Honestly, who the hell knows? Stay tuned for the latest and greatest.</i><br />
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The Showtime series, "The Franchise" released it's preview last week. Key moments show Ozzie cursing like a pirate and getting suspended. IT SHOWS HIM GETTING SUSPENDED. Ozzie's reaction in the three minute clip is a chuckle when he is told the news. Classic.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/WWjmh6SOAr0?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div><br />
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<b><i>Team Status: </i></b>7-7, flashes of greatness, indefinite potential.<br />
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<i><b>Level of Regret in Management: </b></i>Hard to say. Either elated that the foul mouthed Guillen will make this season of The Franchise better than last (OMG WHAT'S BRIAN WILSON UP TO TODAY!? I BET IT'S REALLLLLY WACKYYY!). Or, they are still nervous as shit, wondering what's going to come out of the man's mouth on national television. The latter? The latter.<br />
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<i><b>Ozzie's Disposition: </b></i>Based on this preview, happy. He looks happy.<br />
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<i><b>Next Stunt Prediction: </b></i>I hope at some point he tries to fight a cameraman from the series. That would just make my year.<br />
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Until next time.<br />
<br />
-BJWSThe Boyshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04813054682951573686noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7737551097855124109.post-79955153389525189512012-04-20T22:25:00.004-04:002012-04-20T22:53:46.841-04:00Drunk-Cast: April 20, 2012<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="text-align: -webkit-auto;">We got drunk again... On this week's drunkcast we talk about Dwight Howard, we get frisky with the NBA playoffs, give a word on the National Hoakey Legion and play some sexy elevator music...<br />
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***GLASS SHATTERING***</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://cassietamara.files.wordpress.com/2011/12/shattering-martini-glass.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://cassietamara.files.wordpress.com/2011/12/shattering-martini-glass.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br />
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Like us on <a href="https://www.facebook.com/pages/DrunkGuySports/105031496281827" target="_blank"><span style="color: red;">Facebook</span></a> and follow us on <a href="https://twitter.com/#!/DrunkGuySports" target="_blank"><span style="color: red;">Twitter</span></a> @drunkguysportsThe Boyshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04813054682951573686noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7737551097855124109.post-40375915613967857182012-04-17T19:28:00.010-04:002012-04-18T02:09:32.748-04:00"I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!": One Trophy's Triumphant Story<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiDCpMaylyrn4ANL22ahXjMVI8e8_4Llmqkb6LR_n5nYraqhIflfHYuuyoPJd28pdq8lP01Tabkt-lGdLQwuOHm2JqeqxTneAqp91cY0SWT3-scNbN1mkmkSZxi-FhcvQcgR2qM39oMo2Pu/s1600/bcs-trophy-d67c4.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiDCpMaylyrn4ANL22ahXjMVI8e8_4Llmqkb6LR_n5nYraqhIflfHYuuyoPJd28pdq8lP01Tabkt-lGdLQwuOHm2JqeqxTneAqp91cY0SWT3-scNbN1mkmkSZxi-FhcvQcgR2qM39oMo2Pu/s320/bcs-trophy-d67c4.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br />
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"How putrid a man," thought the trophy as he lay in a glass case in Ireland. The television was showing a brief piece on a one, Nick Saban, on that afternoon's edition of ESPN Game Day. The trophy still smelled of the polish the craftsman had applied. The trophy was glorious in every aspect of the word. Glorious.<br />
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"One day, you'll be given to someone who deserves you and loves you like I do." The craftsman, O'Toole, said. This gave Trophy comfort. The horrid man on the television squealed on about his team, Alabama, and their goal of winning the National Championship. "How disgusting," Trophy reflected.<br />
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<a name='more'></a>You see, Trophy's father, Trophy, was won in 2001. The Miami Hurricanes had given him a good home, and a better life. For that Trophy was forever grateful. Trophy (the son) grew up having a tremendous amount of respect for all things Miami Football, he even tolerated the Marino-less Dolphins as they bumbled their way through mediocrity.<br />
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It was in December of 2004 when Trophy first saw Saban. He was wearing a Miami Dolphins sun-hat and a windbreaker. His father took one look at the mysterious coach and said, "I don't much like this fuck-face one bit, I'd fancy a hot shit down my throat well before letting him gargle my testies." His father had always had a way with words.<br />
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Something about Saban gave Trophy a bad feeling as well. All his fears were realized when he pissed away the season leaving the team in a state of disarray, cackling all the way to Alabama. Hot shit down the throat indeed.<br />
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The Trophy shivered as he lay in his glass case. The snarky confidence in Saban's eyes sent a chill down his glorious spine. "Don't worry pally, that fucker won't be taking you home... Those LSU boys are too good." O'Toole told him.<br />
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"Maybe he wouldn't be that bad? AH FUCK, WHO AM I KIDDING, HE'S A CUNT!" Trophy prayed that O'Toole was right. But he was more wrong than a open-faced grilled cheese sandwich. LSU weren't too good. In fact, they weren't even good, at all, when Trophy needed them. They wheeled him out, and there he was. Saban lapped him up into his grip and looked into his eyes with more apathy than Hannibal Lecter; a look of unadulterated entitlement. Cunt, indeed.<br />
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And so there he was on national television, in HIS hands, for all to see; like some PRIZE he had earned.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhdzFmnqoJYweJK6cMgTGZsUY8sscjlscCv_iGfdfkSmKOAUFYlHChEOr3WrYLSV6iHmz5Jig858t6aDlQsrYBHPtsnA561c3Lj_1E3ls1c59L-JT3A8n3LW8iBMNHyX51R7rCTDfYQ1y0A/s1600/lsu-vs-alabama-2012.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="267" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhdzFmnqoJYweJK6cMgTGZsUY8sscjlscCv_iGfdfkSmKOAUFYlHChEOr3WrYLSV6iHmz5Jig858t6aDlQsrYBHPtsnA561c3Lj_1E3ls1c59L-JT3A8n3LW8iBMNHyX51R7rCTDfYQ1y0A/s320/lsu-vs-alabama-2012.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br />
<br />
That was the saddest day of his life. He relished the moments when the players passed him around feverishly, hoisting him in the air. If he closed his eyes he couldn't see the Crimson Red, he could imagine himself in Don Shula's reassuring grip... Even Bobby Bowden's greasy mitts would have been all right. But, he would always snap out of it, and before he knew it was back in the hands of the screechy douchebag that had once made his father curse things so vile they could have choked a billy-goat.<br />
<br />
Eventually, he accepted his fate. He lay on his stand in Tuscaloosa, each day passing easier than the last. He could see the mocking eyes of the life-sized Saban statue standing in the sun, glistening next Bear Bryant undeservedly.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiM5N3J7-l5URFjCo8z1iYJ7qN-oVwEVU13cZwpfMBBEoS653Wf0kY1Jv6NRPDsSMBzFMfSM78Lcx_ANagdq0sLryCYtHQ25nqHHaXGsPpbs76sN3aJBFdTAmn2e-Z_6gPOMqjDM6f0j5yi/s1600/10464783-large.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiM5N3J7-l5URFjCo8z1iYJ7qN-oVwEVU13cZwpfMBBEoS653Wf0kY1Jv6NRPDsSMBzFMfSM78Lcx_ANagdq0sLryCYtHQ25nqHHaXGsPpbs76sN3aJBFdTAmn2e-Z_6gPOMqjDM6f0j5yi/s320/10464783-large.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br />
<br />
The months passed, and Trophy remained stationary on his stand. Then, last Saturday, Saban emerged from his office that Trophy assumed Saban only used to blind and torture children inside. Suddenly, Saban walked over to Trophy with a strange look in his eyes, the same look he had had on the television Trophy had witnessed not long ago.<br />
<br />
"Why hello beautiful," Saban spat. "You make my weiner hard, you know that right?" Trophy gagged. "You make me the greatest coach of all time. That makes me hot in my downstairs business. You know what else?" Trophy dare not speak.<br />
<br />
"I'm gonna use you."<br />
<br />
A chill went down Trophy's spine.<br />
<br />
"I'm gonna use your beautiful, shiny, glimmer to bring the best players in the world here. To Alabama. And we're going to win, and win, and win. We will win, forever. My weiner will always be hard, because everywhere I go I'll see a trophy telling me I'm the greatest. I AM THE GREATEST, YOU FUCKING TROPHY! IF YOU WERE HUMAN I'D FUCK YOU OVER JUST LIKE THE MIAMI DOLPHINS, YOU FUCKING TROPHY!"<br />
<br />
Saban strolled away, chuckling to himself. Trophy lay, in shock.<br />
<br />
A player and his father walked up to Trophy to pay their respects. Trophy saw the man's foot snag in the carpet surrounding his stand. It was then and there Trophy decided he would not be a patsy in Saban's disgusting game. He would not play a role in forcing his children, and his children's children to live a life of laying on a stand, being held by Nick Saban sporadically. He remembered being forced to watch game film in his disgusting claws, being forced to lay silent while he rubbed and kissed his trophy body. No, they would not have the same fate as he - no one should.<br />
<br />
"I can't take it anymore!" thought Trophy. <br />
<br />
As the man's foot caught the rug, Trophy, in all his glorious might. He separated himself from the tape holding him to the stand. Did they really expect TAPE to hold him? In one swift movement he rolled from the stand.<br />
<br />
As the ground rapidly approached, he heard the man shriek in terror, but Trophy knew it was too late. He had done it.<br />
<br />
"Freedom, glorious freedom." He thought as he reached terminal velocity. "Goodbye Saban world."<br />
<br />
He exploded into a thousand fucking pieces on the ground.<br />
<br />
The End. <br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjvS6-qP15V636K8blV47jL13kjeb3rgJhnTAQpByow89MY-CcKxcM8X9LdPUjNMogdwW7RHkwfIromi7FCB7RLvolfq2-Zf2j78Nf48yCiaCIi406R2C5jxFb_cInAJGRHgD7ylsK-U1jA/s1600/broken-glass.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjvS6-qP15V636K8blV47jL13kjeb3rgJhnTAQpByow89MY-CcKxcM8X9LdPUjNMogdwW7RHkwfIromi7FCB7RLvolfq2-Zf2j78Nf48yCiaCIi406R2C5jxFb_cInAJGRHgD7ylsK-U1jA/s320/broken-glass.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">RIP Trophy</td></tr>
</tbody></table><br />
(Screw you Nick Saban you haughty prick) <br />
<br />
For more information on the story of Trophy check ESPN: <a href="http://espn.go.com/college-football/story/_/id/7821303/alabama-crimson-tide-crystal-bcs-trophy-shattered-mishap" target="_blank"><span style="color: red;">Alabama</span> <span style="color: red;">Trophy</span> <span style="color: red;">Broken</span></a><br />
<br />
-BJWSThe Boyshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04813054682951573686noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7737551097855124109.post-2350826025313133942012-04-16T21:29:00.009-04:002012-04-16T23:01:13.973-04:00From the desk of Jon Snow: Toronto Blue Jays Games be Crazy, Yo!<i>That's right, our field reporter/special guest/favorite bastard Jon Snow is back. He has seen many horrors since we last spoke to him and was also beaten mercilessly by an old wildling man named Craster. He comes to us today with tales of vomit and other depravity from a recent journey to a Toronto Blue Jays game. Enjoy!</i><br />
<br />
By Jon Snow<br />
Special to Drunk Guy Sports <br />
<div><br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgTOVMivniXYVS6hqr8xmBTvN2VwibmQGVve6CVgupdCnICf7nmJXTcWdRgHxDQ9HokbYv5jFNfR808iTnwTIoZUVGP56ZL3Y1q5f3YXDWH7e6icLjTU9N5BNtJbbTnwubEPz-F7T-yIyNy/s1600/jon-on-wall-1-.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgTOVMivniXYVS6hqr8xmBTvN2VwibmQGVve6CVgupdCnICf7nmJXTcWdRgHxDQ9HokbYv5jFNfR808iTnwTIoZUVGP56ZL3Y1q5f3YXDWH7e6icLjTU9N5BNtJbbTnwubEPz-F7T-yIyNy/s320/jon-on-wall-1-.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br />
Vomity horror</td></tr>
</tbody></table></div><div></div><div>Watching baseball can get tedious. </div><div><br />
</div><div>Maybe the pitcher takes forever on the mound. Maybe A-Rod is too busy admiring his own reflection to take a full swing. Maybe the guy in your row is puking into a bag.<br />
<br />
<a name='more'></a>Yes, so, that happened. At a Toronto Blue Jays game. Five feet from two children who were watching baseball for the first time. Fuck Sigmund Freud (but secretly steal his research MUHAHAHA), I can guarantee that would scar anyone for life. You could be sitting at home watching SportsCenter and gagging every time a Pittsburgh Pirates highlight airs; and it would have nothing to do with the fact the Pirates induce vomit at the best of times. It's because some guy chunked a regurgitated Polish sausage into your face during your formative years.</div><div><br />
</div><div>It was pink and looked like apple sauce. <br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiYPEchzs_Gkq58MbOaBmhAhyUnPpx5xLpLiUFz8dGE5clOcqapgjt9zMj-QYG4B7L8ienqZ_I91tjRJCnJl1nDXY2UzX5BlDrMblaFBIBZCjG2qVec6gznFMcBLq7kRCWbO5jdu5Ggt6kr/s1600/apple+sauce+in+butternut+squash.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="244" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiYPEchzs_Gkq58MbOaBmhAhyUnPpx5xLpLiUFz8dGE5clOcqapgjt9zMj-QYG4B7L8ienqZ_I91tjRJCnJl1nDXY2UzX5BlDrMblaFBIBZCjG2qVec6gznFMcBLq7kRCWbO5jdu5Ggt6kr/s320/apple+sauce+in+butternut+squash.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Artist's Rendition</td></tr>
</tbody></table></div><div><br />
Oh, and then he puked on the girl in front of him. Her reaction was pretty reasonable all things considered. Then this person went to sleep--passed out, I suppose--after saying "you shouldn't have given me wine."</div><div><br />
</div><div>Those could have been some famous last words. On par with mountain man Kit Carson saying "I wish I had time for one more bowl of chili" before Death pulled the rug out from under him. Seriously, Google that quote. I'll wait.</div><div><br />
</div><div>Holy shit, right? One of my favourite quotes after "stick them with the pointy end" -BY ME.</div><div><br />
</div><div>Ahem.</div><div><br />
</div><div>At this point it became clear that the 500 level at the Rogers Centre is like steerage on the Titanic. No one gives a shit about the people up there, and if the stadium began to sink they'd would lock us away and let Mother Nature do her worst. Some 50-year-old man wearing a custom jersey and drinking hard cider would be screaming "NEVER LET GO" to an 18-year-old girl with a pink hat and a sign that says "HAWRNY FOR LAWRIE." </div><div><br />
</div><div>Billy Zane would probably still be there, because his best role is still as "Concerned Model #3" in "Zoolander."</div><div><br />
</div><div>Completely unrelated: I once rented "The Phantom."<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjgzc906j18GNcsKAd6qylRRPl5dvcOrnBqDLqKVVR0XIZupwg2aIh6r-VCFG9RmnlOpg7M7jv08v-B5-0Ks9p5w-UIy6p_0sU5r07-Nr_YNLgFKAZ6tL6k_cgu6P51tQGdzlOKMkiKrd_A/s1600/phantom-zane-horse.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="214" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjgzc906j18GNcsKAd6qylRRPl5dvcOrnBqDLqKVVR0XIZupwg2aIh6r-VCFG9RmnlOpg7M7jv08v-B5-0Ks9p5w-UIy6p_0sU5r07-Nr_YNLgFKAZ6tL6k_cgu6P51tQGdzlOKMkiKrd_A/s320/phantom-zane-horse.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Movie magic</td></tr>
</tbody></table></div><div>...</div><div><br />
</div><div>Was it about magic skulls? And power rings? Did he use guns? Is this the hardest anyone's ever thought about Billy Zane's career?</div><div><br />
</div><div>Let's pause for more Googling.</div><div><br />
</div><div>...</div><div><br />
</div><div>Ouch, that's a hefty IRS lien.</div><div><br />
</div><div>Anywho.</div><div><br />
</div><div>Someone in our section was dressed like Batman sidekick Robin. There was no cause for it; and there wasn't even anyone dressed as Batman anywhere in the stadium. WHOSE SIDEKICK WAS HE?</div><div><br />
</div><div>In the beer line a girl passed out and people were gearing up to resuscitate her, or so I was told. Other sources informed me it was just a poorly-planned ploy to grope someone. Which scenario is more disturbing?</div><div><br />
</div><div>Some guy tripped over a trash can in the beer line. He was facing it five seconds earlier, but it still snuck up on him like a Vietcong ambush. Both of his beers survived the fall, so I gave the landing an 8. The French judge gave him a 5.5, but that guy's a prick.</div><div><br />
</div><div>Whenever the beer guy entered a section he barely made it half the way up before he ran out of beer. I had to buy cider from him at one point, and I must say it was delicious. How do they get the booze in the apples? AHAHAHA FOOLED YOU! I know it's really made out of people.</div><div><br />
</div><div>The soberest guy at the ballpark (usually known as the biggest loser) was the guy who drums out front. He was the shiny thing that distracted everyone with his infectious rhythm and sentence fragments. LEZZ GO BLEWWW JAYYYS.</div><div><br />
</div><div>In the washroom, a man dropped a toonie while pulling away from the urinal. He didn't notice. When someone pointed out he had dropped the coin he looked over and saw it was within pissing distance of several urinals. There was visible hesitation on his face as he decided whether or not to pick it up. Who knows how many hepatitises it already held. </div><div><br />
</div><div>Did he pick it up? That's a story for another day.</div><div><br />
</div><div>(He so did.)</div><div><br />
</div><div style="color: white;"><div>Poet Samuel Johnson once wrote, "<span style="font-family: arial,sans-serif; line-height: 16px;"> He who makes a beast of himself </span><i style="font-family: arial,sans-serif; font-style: normal; line-height: 16px;">gets rid of the pain of being a man."</i></div><div><span style="font-family: arial,sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 16px;"><br />
</span></span></div></div><div><div style="color: white;"><span style="font-family: arial,sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 16px;">Was that beast a Blue Jay?</span></span></div><div style="color: white;"><span style="font-family: arial,sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 16px;"> </span></span></div><div style="color: white;"><span style="font-family: arial,sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 16px;">(EDITOR'S NOTE: Vomit AND poetry? You dazzle us you bastard, you)</span></span></div><div style="color: white;"><br />
</div><br />
P.S. I love Edwin "Eddie" Encarnacion. He's no craven.</div><div><i style="font-family: arial,sans-serif; font-style: normal; line-height: 16px;"><span style="color: #222222;"><br />
</span></i></div><div><span style="color: #222222; font-family: arial,sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 16px;"><br />
</span></span></div>The Boyshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04813054682951573686noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7737551097855124109.post-52718041035735664982012-04-13T14:19:00.006-04:002012-04-13T20:52:39.217-04:00Out with the Old and in with the...Old?<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://img.allposters.com/6/LRG/22/2267/I2SZD00Z.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://img.allposters.com/6/LRG/22/2267/I2SZD00Z.jpg" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><div class="MsoNormal"><i>Remember peach baskets? "It's your turn to fetch the ball Reginald!"<o:p></o:p></i></div><div class="MsoNormal"><i><br />
</i></div><div class="MsoNormal"><i><br />
</i></div></td></tr>
</tbody></table><div class="MsoNormal"></div><div class="MsoNormal">With the NBA season coming to a close, it's time to start reminiscing about all the fun shit that went down this year. From Javale Mcgee's antics to Derrick Rose’s injuries, DGS is going nostalgic for a bit until things start to matter again. Playoffs, baby.<o:p></o:p></div><br />
<a name='more'></a><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">Today, I am going to play the role of Matlock. For those of you too hipster to know whom Matlock is, he’s a fictional lawyer that old people tend to look up too. Why? Because he’s old as shit that’s why, they're on the same old-length. This guy has been around since ‘Nam (not a joke). Seniors love this man because he’s an old man doing a young man's job; sending criminals to jail for a ridiculous service fee. Today, I’m standing up for the little man… or perhaps the wrinkly man, whatever works best.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://images.zap2it.com/images/tv-EP00002829/matlock-7.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://images.zap2it.com/images/tv-EP00002829/matlock-7.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"You remind me of my grandson."</td></tr>
</tbody></table><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="text-align: left;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="text-align: left;">Remember when the lockout was over and people finally gave a shit about basketball again? I do, it was a glorious day that gave me purpose in my life once again, and I thank god every day for that glorious miracle. The interweb was flowing with articles and opinions about the upcoming season, and besides the infamous </span><a href="http://drunkguysports.blogspot.ca/2011/12/0-false-18-pt-18-pt-0-0-false-false.html" target="_blank"><span style="color: red;">Chris Paul</span> <span style="color: red;">fiasco</span></a><span style="text-align: left;">, people couldn’t stop ripping on old teams like Boston, San Antonio, even LA. Pretty much everyone was saying that these teams had nothing left in the tank. </span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">“They are too old” some would say. “Their legs cannot handle the condensed season” they said, and my personal favorite “injuries, injuries and more injuries.” (EDITOR'S NOTE: Who talks like that?) Well, with the playoffs just weeks away, we now have a solid idea of how things are going to play out; and one thing is certain: ‘old’ teams can still play. As a matter of fact, these fogies are probably the best teams in the league right now.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">I use 'old' in quotations because I wonder why people define these teams as ‘old.’ Sure, most starters and key players on these teams are over 30, and are on the last legs of their career, but being ‘old’ isn’t always about age. An older person can act young if they're spry enough, and if you were ask them if they thinks they're old, they would probably tell you to suck it (MAAAATLOCCCK!). Similarly, these quote-unquote 'old' guys of the NBA still think and act like apex predators. These ‘old’ teams are not acting their age, and this is going to be dangerous come playoff time.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://thepirata.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/11/angry_england.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="274" src="http://thepirata.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/11/angry_england.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Call Tim Duncan 'old' one more time, I dare you</td></tr>
</tbody></table><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Behind Denver and OKC, San Antonio has put up the third most points per game totals by averaging 101.77. Both Boston and San Antonio are top ten in point differentials, while Boston is leading the league in holding their opponents to the worst possible field goal percentage of .419. Boston and San Antonio are also top 10 in team field goal and 3pt % on the season.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">This is no fluke, Boston and San Antonio are <i>that</i> good. Their record against elite teams says it all, and you cannot deny how good these guys are playing right now. You can argue by saying come playoff time they cant handle the young legs of their opposing team, but how can you say that when both their offenses have been as good as ever, while their defenses are still at a elite level? San Antonio completely changed their game to keep up with younger teams (courtesy of Greg Pop and Mr. Longoria), and Rondo gets better in every game; acting as the young glue between the decrepit bones of the Celtics. It doesn't hurt when teams like Philly and NYC are playing uglier than Joakim Noah's jumpshot...<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiXK0rrwuks1lvDcUjjpxN9qvHBJr7XtqrxAaOM5Kg88G-kpniKf4PUrvOtCnqGcttpBkPPvX8DpPUjwreiQMlZCfb6FZEJLFSSOUK_zkAUExc4O8vexxKFBCu8SFs1s2RlJzFil6q1n16O/s1600/tumblr_lxq2rdQ1pX1qztjn5o1_500.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="211" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiXK0rrwuks1lvDcUjjpxN9qvHBJr7XtqrxAaOM5Kg88G-kpniKf4PUrvOtCnqGcttpBkPPvX8DpPUjwreiQMlZCfb6FZEJLFSSOUK_zkAUExc4O8vexxKFBCu8SFs1s2RlJzFil6q1n16O/s320/tumblr_lxq2rdQ1pX1qztjn5o1_500.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">HEY! I'm tryin' to eat my lunch here!</td></tr>
</tbody></table> </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">They understand how to win games, they have been through this adversity before and they are on their last legs. If anything, the condensed season has helped these teams prepare for their playoff run. Not to mentions that the playoffs are set up in a less condensed fashion, eliminating back-to-back games and giving the geezers some solid rest. Simple deduction would lead us to believe then, that because these guys have been able to get it done all throughout this condensed season; then a favorable playoffs schedule shouldn't change the results, if not improve them.<br />
<br />
As much as it pains a Lakers fan to say this, Boston and San Antonio are my picks for the NBA Finals. Sure it may be as boring as watching grass grow, but it will be the last chance we get to see basketball played as a classy competitive sport. </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://blogington.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/10/Watching-Grass-Grow.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://blogington.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/10/Watching-Grass-Grow.jpg" width="243" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I got my pre-ordered copy, how 'bout you?</td></tr>
</tbody></table><div class="MsoNormal">Until next time,</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">JTU</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">P.S. don't hesitate to give us a like on facebook or follow us on the Tweeter machine.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div></div>The Boyshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04813054682951573686noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7737551097855124109.post-38559383950349920492012-04-12T15:46:00.005-04:002012-04-12T17:32:19.705-04:005 Things to Watch This Baseball SeasonDINGERS AND BOOBS!<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjP5SSofEHjZX8X6D0WiXfZPnlpB2XSrW-nz1JJvukxaOkl35jYS386q-9KPEDsFUWLcv6thjBDN5AuayT7Yn-njon1BEJ-pZ1Orki5wid7qEjOfQRNZr9_Wms_RgTADGkkR6R3DBDx-not/s1600/popeyes_chicken_sh.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="241" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjP5SSofEHjZX8X6D0WiXfZPnlpB2XSrW-nz1JJvukxaOkl35jYS386q-9KPEDsFUWLcv6thjBDN5AuayT7Yn-njon1BEJ-pZ1Orki5wid7qEjOfQRNZr9_Wms_RgTADGkkR6R3DBDx-not/s320/popeyes_chicken_sh.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br />
<br />
Now that the season has officially begun, there are a few things we think you should look out this season.<br />
<br />
<a name='more'></a><br />
<br />
<i><b>1 - The aforementioned Ozzie Guillen</b></i><br />
His antics are going to come fast and furious this year now that he has come out of shadow of the Windy City. Our officially licensed <a href="http://drunkguysports.blogspot.ca/2012/04/guillen-watch.html" target="_blank"><span style="color: red;">"Guillen</span> <span style="color: red;">Watch!"</span></a> segment will keep you up to date on all the hi-jinks this season.<br />
<i><b> </b></i><br />
<br />
<i><b>2 - The Boston Red Sox, alcohol, chicken</b></i><br />
Their fried chicken and alcohol consumption was the basis of a massive amount of criticism last year. Was their late season collapse a product of greasy fingers and a solid buzz? I'd like to think so, and everyone and their mother HOPES so. Now the shamed team must return to the much improved AL East with all eyes on their sobriety and diets. Looks like that bullpen is going to have to invest in those <a href="http://sporting-goodsonline.com/images/3-pack-hide-beer-can-covers-wrap-camo-disguise-.jpg" target="_blank"><span style="color: red;">stealth</span> <span style="color: red;">beer can</span> <span style="color: red;">covers</span></a> that you use on roadies. Of course, it will be hard to resist mowing down a couple self-loathing Double-Downs when you've been drinking beer in the sun all afternoon, LOOKING AT YOU JOHN LACKEY (whenever it is you return).<br />
<br />
<br />
<i><b> </b></i><i><b></b></i><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJhFIH4ST175WvldNJJAS-VmJD0jJvwcj9ZxtzYzghHtKcsJuA4-qc96_Oexojz9-Cj1jxrWomb3G-vZ_vh8SDBlJvI1cG7A7Q6JLYCPL1q3SAj2A7SyuKPR4YF3ePdpm5JnsjGJ6l-Q72/s1600/1833.d9f13ec4c069ae72408cfb5d92f67439.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="206" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJhFIH4ST175WvldNJJAS-VmJD0jJvwcj9ZxtzYzghHtKcsJuA4-qc96_Oexojz9-Cj1jxrWomb3G-vZ_vh8SDBlJvI1cG7A7Q6JLYCPL1q3SAj2A7SyuKPR4YF3ePdpm5JnsjGJ6l-Q72/s320/1833.d9f13ec4c069ae72408cfb5d92f67439.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br />
<i><b> 3 - The AL East</b></i><br />
This year, above all, looks to be the most competitive for the best division in baseball. All teams that rhyme with Bays are in prime position to take advantage of the new playoff format. Tampa has, of course, been competitive for years, but Toronto with a refreshing core of young players has been turning heads. I may be a disgusting, self promoting, biased writer, but I can say for the first time in a long time that the Jays have a legitimately good team. How that team puts its season together is a completely different story (see "Cincinnati Reds" for more details on talented failures). I'm not going to talk about the Sawx and Yankees because fuck those guys, turn on ESPN if you want to toot on their horn for the 100th time this week. And don't get me started on Baltimore... because...you know...they also have a baseball team... and stuff. Either way, this division is going to be a fun one to watch this year if things play out how they have the potential to.<br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.goodbooksandgoodwine.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/make-it-rain-guys.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="218" src="http://www.goodbooksandgoodwine.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/make-it-rain-guys.gif" width="320" /></a></div><br />
<i><b> 4 - Albert Pujols, money, Prince, eating</b></i><br />
A quarter of a billion dollars. The man probably uses 20s as socks (don't question the logistics of money socks, I have a prototype). I'm very interested to see how the man who truly has nothing left to play for, plays. I wouldn't be surprised if he went for a couple ABs with a solid gold bat that would be ridiculously heavy and impossible to swing (he still might take AJ Burnett yard, what with the broken eye-ball and all).<i><b> </b></i>Prince Fielder got a couple clams from D-Town as well. I predict him going up a couple belt sizes and RBIs batting after Miggy in that lineup. I hope those two start some kind of eating club that you must hit at least 30 dingers to be a part of. Everyone would have to just sit idly by and watch as they eat Jhonny Peralta's entire birthday cake, laughing maniacally.<br />
<br />
<i><b>5 - YUUUUUUUUUUUUUU</b></i><br />
After a shaky start in his debut, Darvish looked strong. I can only assume he will assist in the Rangers having a terrific season only to inevitably lose in the World Series. It's science.<br />
<br />
<br />
<i><b> </b></i>A couple other, less important items: Streakers (there has already been, like, 10), Marlins Stadium (it's big and has a bunch of retarded shit in it), AJ Burnett (my hatred for him makes me wish for such terrible things... That being said, how awesome would it be if he had to wear an eye-patch for the season, HE PLAYS FOR THE PIRATES!)<br />
<br />
Enjoy the season!<br />
<br />
-BJWS<i><b> </b></i> <i><b> </b></i>The Boyshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04813054682951573686noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7737551097855124109.post-8504113477294111062012-04-10T18:42:00.001-04:002012-04-10T19:07:35.069-04:00Awww Hell No<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">So, I was going to post an NHL playoff preview today considering the playoffs are starting and its an exciting thing but then this came to my attention, and completely fucked my whole day up...</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://mapleleafs.nhl.com/club/news.htm?id=626910&#38;navid=DL%7CTOR%7Chome" target="_blank"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhV-t-BBCG4NXXMHnyPtiZLGVpAMwpQwHjkMUNhF-SCj_Kyye5jNHYp894OsTMVwtEnYyoOPH2I9DRRcRFglkf4b6bTAviO3zg5sDZqFPlIDhtlWQhi6LaQ1MXPenYsKglPxqqEfzFHs44m/s320/Leafs+Letter.jpg" width="161" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><a name='more'></a><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhqM5yv0XOgP0X7LQ_zNrpsYTX1wUpQvopa7uR65GUQACBuxQl3rHeUNi-GXyGct_2RTaO_7pIv9yxJxiPx5HrvvH1nuDqBHYRjRi7SHn2b92XTUgVYgSLV-tdfoBLt21ygSKwlVn1XhzGI/s1600/Finger.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="179" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhqM5yv0XOgP0X7LQ_zNrpsYTX1wUpQvopa7uR65GUQACBuxQl3rHeUNi-GXyGct_2RTaO_7pIv9yxJxiPx5HrvvH1nuDqBHYRjRi7SHn2b92XTUgVYgSLV-tdfoBLt21ygSKwlVn1XhzGI/s320/Finger.gif" width="320" /></a></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">FUCK THAT!!!!</div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.donkdown.com/forum/images/smilies/facepalm5.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://www.donkdown.com/forum/images/smilies/facepalm5.gif" /></a></div><br />
<div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh3G8Ijpxmw0iv1INnRFS7P98US9t2M8isAsnPKXQK0MsrCtl35pMsNajmKCsdW4QHDlXPUBSFA6M2FTF6T0ZvHRVD1sXz-NpGTZtsmLivg18XqD3NVZ17MHpBhEtBvukJkuXvtGELFQea_/s1600/Kobe.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh3G8Ijpxmw0iv1INnRFS7P98US9t2M8isAsnPKXQK0MsrCtl35pMsNajmKCsdW4QHDlXPUBSFA6M2FTF6T0ZvHRVD1sXz-NpGTZtsmLivg18XqD3NVZ17MHpBhEtBvukJkuXvtGELFQea_/s1600/Kobe.gif" /></a></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">No seriously... this isn't funny anymore...</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgW7X3yUd0zSHqi2IygWED6OVzPkXM8JAPoA6qAMHhUkIHWSWCVwp9PQb2RtrpNWonk0Px49GwVRgE3Dk5Aq2kobZazQIyv-cqocl7Wuje27wOQLVqgVk8J1K-V_zIDUR7Am0y4OcoxCAT-/s1600/Austin.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgW7X3yUd0zSHqi2IygWED6OVzPkXM8JAPoA6qAMHhUkIHWSWCVwp9PQb2RtrpNWonk0Px49GwVRgE3Dk5Aq2kobZazQIyv-cqocl7Wuje27wOQLVqgVk8J1K-V_zIDUR7Am0y4OcoxCAT-/s1600/Austin.gif" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div>FUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKK<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiesOfr00NOME-2PhJ6hSFnsgU884ijCUzSu-GBGBfaFlhXBSUIVNmegHN9Wds-jZCk4xEWu_lUhzmWspilKJS7H5SqSe7DGdEVsD9-AEqYrZvQLVpOB5Y-9X2rEetTuM8dyqzEzmqA75gX/s1600/Angry.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiesOfr00NOME-2PhJ6hSFnsgU884ijCUzSu-GBGBfaFlhXBSUIVNmegHN9Wds-jZCk4xEWu_lUhzmWspilKJS7H5SqSe7DGdEVsD9-AEqYrZvQLVpOB5Y-9X2rEetTuM8dyqzEzmqA75gX/s1600/Angry.gif" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiPm0BRg0Rik-ZlxJ9_qf_qyzmnWQHggxa2dFmYpY1b5wRRDYj_Tll7IMBNUyrYCE2DH_ZJ0XLg9xKh1WIQu9hj5Ij_KblXAxPe0pxO2Kw73aLahYd-qGPn3MDgEnOwn7AENJA5l3Osx66x/s1600/deer.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="153" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiPm0BRg0Rik-ZlxJ9_qf_qyzmnWQHggxa2dFmYpY1b5wRRDYj_Tll7IMBNUyrYCE2DH_ZJ0XLg9xKh1WIQu9hj5Ij_KblXAxPe0pxO2Kw73aLahYd-qGPn3MDgEnOwn7AENJA5l3Osx66x/s320/deer.gif" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Yeah this one doesn't really have to do with anything... <br />
I just thought it was funny</td></tr>
</tbody></table><br />
Ok, now that I got that out of my system let me explain. In reality you don't apologize when you make an honest mistake. If you really truly try and do well, and it doesn't work out, you should never apologize, there's no point, because if you gave everything there is too give, there's nothing to be sorry about. By issuing an open letter to the fans, the entire Maple Leafs organization have admitted that they didn't do all they could; that they failed. They talk about falling short of expectations, and having unacceptable results and all that shit, but at this point fans don't give a flying fuck about what you did or didn't do, they care about what is going to get done. One thing above all I noticed this year more then any of the previous seven failed seasons is that fans are truly fed up. Once the spiral began and all hope was lost and the anger wore off, fans became truly apathetic. I know myself, as well as a lot of my friends just stopped watching games. If the players didn't give a shit, why should we? So what does issuing an apology accomplish? It tells the fans that you should have done more... So then why didn't you? It tells the fans that there was a possibility for greater achievement... So why didn't it happen? Instead of an open letter apologizing, I want an open letter explaining. Explaining what the fuck exactly happened. How a team that was in 6th place, chasing the 5th place team in February can all of a sudden go 2-14-2 over a month long stretch. Or maybe explaining how at the beginning of the season the coach and GM can claim to have two starting goalies when one goalie had only played 1/4 of a season in the NHL and the other proved to be terribly inconsistent and has had major health problems. Or maybe just please explain where the fuck this team is headed.<br />
<br />
Clearly the team needs a goalie, and thankfully Burke got off his high horse at today's press conference and admitted that. But then what? He also said he has faith in our second line... but why? You can make the argument that Grabo turned his season around and Mac had a decent second half and then of course Kuli got hurt and that if the three of them can mesh like they did last season they will be good to go again. But what the fuck would make you honestly think that will happen? It didn't happen for the first half of this season... Sure it could happen, but then again it might not, and once again the Leafs are left with zero scoring depth, which will force Burke into making a deal next season that probably won't be very good. So I think it's fair to say that after today's press conference, the Leafs second line will probably be the same to start next season. Burke also bragged about the young depth they have in the system (Frattin, Kadri, Colborne, and now Ashton) which is awesome, but if he maintains his blind faith in the second line, where does that leave all those guys? Yet another year on the Marlies... Or does he stack his third line with raw inexperience? And of course there's the ever needed "truckulance" that was clearly nonexistent this season. That should come in the form of a solidified first line center which Burke also promised us fans today. But I don't think that's enough... I don't think anyone does. A goalie, and centerman and a (hopefully) revitalized second line to along with some nice young players with potential won't solve the problem.<br />
<br />
Apology letters won't solve the problem. Fans want to know what will solve the problem, and unfortunately, I don't think anyone in the Leafs organization have any idea... which is why we're left with some cute letter that doesn't accomplish anything other then pissing of a fan base that is already in kill mode.<br />
<br />
This letter was nothing more then a pathetic attempt from an organization that has no fucking idea what to do, that is beginning to realize that maybe their fans won't just blindly follow them into the corn field. It's an attempt to ensure they keep selling tickets by making fans think they care... But honestly MLSE if you don't figure your shit out it won't matter if you actually care or not... Because nobody else will...<br />
<br />
-NJN <br />
<br />
P.S. A playoff preview will be up soon, because ya know... The draft lottery is tonight and the Leafs have a chance!!!!!!<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://i1186.photobucket.com/albums/z377/aggie2210/dumbtheresachance.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://i1186.photobucket.com/albums/z377/aggie2210/dumbtheresachance.gif" /></a></div>The Boyshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04813054682951573686noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7737551097855124109.post-18438498740351468172012-04-10T18:29:00.003-04:002012-04-10T18:48:12.470-04:00GUILLEN WATCH!<i>All season DGS will be committed to presenting you with all you need to know about Ozzie Guillen's hi-jinks. Will he swear on national television? Will he win a hot-dog eating contest? Honestly, who the hell knows? Stay tuned for the latest and greatest.</i><br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgxNStm8MLhkZCUf6rCWVQHxijCyKp_RKmTouKW3REROWwFzupZPc26RkyWLMKYMUwMiUWDrJ_GotldgAXNK9T4f85FCQrDIvBKjqtInULInYkhUvAFTPVafvU5w8wND2Y4OAgPB5xHptDJ/s1600/ozzie-guillen-fidel-castro.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgxNStm8MLhkZCUf6rCWVQHxijCyKp_RKmTouKW3REROWwFzupZPc26RkyWLMKYMUwMiUWDrJ_GotldgAXNK9T4f85FCQrDIvBKjqtInULInYkhUvAFTPVafvU5w8wND2Y4OAgPB5xHptDJ/s320/ozzie-guillen-fidel-castro.jpg" width="273" /></a></div><br />
<br />
Ozzie Guillen apologized for making pro-Fidel comments. The result? A five game suspension will be enforced by the team. I have no idea who this appeases, but I can only assume nobody. The season is less than 10 games in and we already have him giving props to Communist dictators. A five game suspension means shit all here. Ozzie is sympathetic towards the Cuban population of Miami, not ownership. You're in for it, Miami.<br />
<br />
The Miami Marlins need find a fan base quick to fill their 500 million dollar stadium. Ozzie's antics may just be the thing they need. However, something tells me this is the wrong direction. <br />
<br />
<i><b>Team Status:</b></i> Promising<br />
<b><br />
<i>Level of Regret in Management:</i></b> Moderate<br />
<br />
<i><b>Ozzie’s Disposition:</b></i> Restrained glee, with a hint of regret<br />
<br />
<b><i>Next Stunt Prediction:</i> </b>I would say something involving a hot-air balloon. Not sure why.The Boyshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04813054682951573686noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7737551097855124109.post-11175144355313155062012-04-07T04:16:00.010-04:002012-04-07T04:54:58.752-04:00An Open Letter to Andrew BynumDear Andy,<br />
<br />
Just a few things we needed to get off of our chest:<br />
<br />
Fuck you. <br />
<br />
Shut the fuck up and play basketball you primadonna millionaire. It would appear you have accepted the role of the astonishing dickhead no-one expected or wanted. Perhaps throwing the tiny JJ Barea eight feet skyward in your televised attempted murder last year exhilarated you to the extent where you now feel the need to be a fucking asshole in order to be noticed. Isn't that special. However, we feel you should know that you are sucking up all the cuntiness Kobe needs to survive. If he doesn't get his required dose of being a mutinous asshole there will be a shit storm that not even Helen Hunt could track (<i>Twister, </i> 1996). If you don't save some prickness for the mamba, we're positive you can kiss your hard earned 3rd place goodbye when he realizes YOU are getting away with what he needed six quality years consecutively to pull off. (SIDE NOTE: You've had three quarters of ONE quality year)<br />
<br />
So, now that you are becoming the John McEnroe of basketball you better start being funny, or shutting the fuck up. As far as we know, you're about as funny as a bag of pretzels. Boring, salty, and everyone wonders why the fuck people put up with you; encroaching on good things (see any party-mix for more details). There's only so much room for inconsistent, injury-prone douchebags in the world of super-stardom and the magical land of people giving a flying fuck about you. We hope you realize you are one injury from becoming an after-thought once again. Do us all a solid, and shut your trap. Mike Brown should smack your testicles with a car antennae.<br />
<br />
Sincerely,<br />
<br />
DGS<br />
<br />
<br />
P.S. GET THE FUCK IN THE HUDDLEThe Boyshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04813054682951573686noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7737551097855124109.post-55258645706550061512012-04-02T23:06:00.000-04:002012-04-02T23:06:11.736-04:00Holy Shit, It's a Podcast!OK, we got wasted.<br />
<br />
We actually managed to record a podcast that remained audible for long enough to be considered opinionated. Listen in while we discuss: all things March Madness, our own personal NBA MVPs, The aftermath of the Manning/Tebow situation, pre-season MLB dark-horse picks, our NHL Stanley Cup predictions, and finally, time travel for some reason. <br />
<br />
We apologize in advance...<br />
<br />
<embed src="http://www.box.com/embed/hbmuve31h56tff6.swf" width="466" height="400" wmode="opaque" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowFullScreen="true" allowScriptAccess="always"><br />
<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div>The Boyshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04813054682951573686noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7737551097855124109.post-87275795633667840702012-03-31T19:59:00.005-04:002012-04-18T02:19:09.283-04:00There's no Coconut in this Bounty<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgWK7vxssyUMKvIVlvPKck4-zZgNIXkbMqXqp_fiZ_-XoHEdkYypnJXuRg5JfcPQY5J2Ze6s0U0ngkWQNxM3EjSws9qcUwFJXmiNtVwJQwNkGRBJVOJFQd0rk4O6yl1XHHE8AKl8yI6kTCB/s1600/gargggaaa.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgWK7vxssyUMKvIVlvPKck4-zZgNIXkbMqXqp_fiZ_-XoHEdkYypnJXuRg5JfcPQY5J2Ze6s0U0ngkWQNxM3EjSws9qcUwFJXmiNtVwJQwNkGRBJVOJFQd0rk4O6yl1XHHE8AKl8yI6kTCB/s400/gargggaaa.png" width="400" /></a></div><br />
<br />
How did we get here?<br />
<br />
The New Orleans Saints, pre-appeal decision, have lost their head coach for the entire 2012 season. Sean Payton was aware of Gregg William’s bounty system and in Roger Goodell’s NFL, this merits a year long suspension. Is turning a blind-eye to something as implicitly wrong as a system designed to give monetary rewards for inflicting injuries that transcend football enough to forfeit a considerable amount of expertise, and an indefinite but significant number of wins? <br />
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<a name='more'></a><br />
<br />
When the designer of the bounty system not only gives himself a nickname, but creates one that makes no fucking sense. When your Defensive Coordinator one day just beings referring to himself as Dr. Heat, you probably need to question why you hired this man in the first place. <br />
<br />
Did he go to medical school? Was his major in Blitz-ology, or thermodynamics? Did he change his last name to Heat after medical school? So many questions, so little time. Regardless. <br />
<br />
Did I mention Game of Thrones starts up again tomorrow? Well, that’s relevant, because when you play the Game of Thrones, you win or you die. Similarly, in the NFL, when you coach, you win or die. You don’t actually die but you do lose your job. The turnover rate for a head coach in the NFL is painfully high, particularly if you go to Oakland. In the NFL there has been such a need created to win immediately that often times head coaches barely put their shit down, let alone create a system, before getting the boot. I’m not about to sit here and justify the malicious intent to injure other players, but I will not blame Sean Payton for electing to plug his ears and hum while Dr. Heat planned a devious method by which their team’s mediocre defense could hold the other team to less points. The Saints are an offensive team in case you hadn’t noticed. They win by outscoring other teams in spectacular fashion, without the talent to stop defensively, playing dirty was Williams’ repulsive solution. Can we really blame Sean Payton for wanting some job security? Yes, because he knew, just like we do now, that a bounty program is completely fucked. But, I would argue that we can all see WHY he would choose to ignore it, right or wrong. It’s easy to point our fat stubby fingers at him and say “you fucked up” but if we were in the same position, who’s to say we wouldn’t make the same choice, lest we end up like Ned Stark (sans beheading).<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEicKGGkeT6QIkW6nuEhwJpJSkqK49NqbCB2DZR_JN9-HxXoXPTpT-B1w1lZhXM4CJd5xvJjoF7UA_lEg_IvJOaYz3fby8ZzZ9rn8bVpyK48TiVN50xi65ErBWMd6Kp6mFZ6eC3G6VSEQc8I/s1600/sean-bean-ned-stark_288x288.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEicKGGkeT6QIkW6nuEhwJpJSkqK49NqbCB2DZR_JN9-HxXoXPTpT-B1w1lZhXM4CJd5xvJjoF7UA_lEg_IvJOaYz3fby8ZzZ9rn8bVpyK48TiVN50xi65ErBWMd6Kp6mFZ6eC3G6VSEQc8I/s1600/sean-bean-ned-stark_288x288.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"Hi, I'm Sean Bean, television's Ned Stark. I'm here to talk to you about the serious problem of main characters dying. More and more main characters are being killed off of popular television shows. It has become a real problem and critically acclaimed performances are being cut short all over the world. Say NO to protagonist murder." Sorry Sean, something about you just screams kill off my character.</td></tr>
</tbody></table><br />
Just as we also know now, Sean Payton HAD to have known the depth of bounty programs in the league. Just because Dr. Heat was the one to be caught, doesn’t necessarily make this a single case. The copy-cat nature of the league makes it virtually impossible for Gregg Williams to be the sole perpetrator for something (as fucked up as it is) so successful. I can guarantee you that the other similar programs in the league are now half way down the toilet and all their carpets have been bleached, but they WERE still there at one time. If Roger “Horatio” Goodell were to run some more tests down at the lab I’m sure we’d find something more like an epidemic, rather than one sicko.<br />
<br />
If the commish is so blatantly opposed to shady undertakings, from a Sean Payton perspective, for survival in a dog-eat-dog league; why not take some pressure off of these people? If I know that the minute I finish below .500 I’m out my ass, I might let some idiot named Professor Touchdown or Archduke Interception run some shady tricks if that meant I don’t have to up and move again to become a quarterbacks coach. Do your worst Professor, I ain’t lookin’.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiohXF8AjC6o8mbV0Ts26o6JVDNVXQg3y9q9WzEf68EGbmmRhgGUQzPKMDZsIv4OMwEatSh4VO9HlnEVYYoWc0hORSIdo9wXsD1OSPMAPdtoJgCUZ_4JOEkTvmSWuvObhgYN5Z0ZA3SEDBM/s1600/professorDOG.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiohXF8AjC6o8mbV0Ts26o6JVDNVXQg3y9q9WzEf68EGbmmRhgGUQzPKMDZsIv4OMwEatSh4VO9HlnEVYYoWc0hORSIdo9wXsD1OSPMAPdtoJgCUZ_4JOEkTvmSWuvObhgYN5Z0ZA3SEDBM/s320/professorDOG.jpg" width="238" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Professor Touchdown</td></tr>
</tbody></table><br />
Here's how it played out:<br />
<br />
Dr. Heat: “Hey, I’m gonna run this thing with our defense that makes us win. It’s shady and people are going to get hurt, but it’s my idea and we’ll win using it. All you gotta do is act like nothing’s wrong. Cool?”<br />
<br />
Payton: “Hmm. OK, just don’t kill anyone.”<br />
<br />
It was probably a tad more complicated than that, but wins and job security go hand in hand, and I’m positive that’s an offer worth the guilt. <br />
<br />
If ol’Roger is going to play bad cop-bad cop with this league he should make sure at the end of the day he’s actually doing something for the betterment of it. It’s easy enough to be a hard-ass and make examples of people caught with their hand in the intentional concussion cookie-jar, but by blurring the lines as to what is and isn’t acceptable, there is nothing to take away at the end of the day. <br />
<br />
Goodell’s interests are implicitly sided with the owners. We came a lot closer to missing games this year than people realize. Of course, the lockout nightmare is not solely on Goodell’s granite ass, the PA steadfastly stuck to their position of spoiled toddler the entire time as well. But, the point is he has never been shy about his position. So it would seem obvious, for me anyway, for Goodell to work with his owner buddies to turn this league into a safer place for coaches, where they don’t have to Spygate or sell their bodies to the night (Rooooxaaaneee) to keep their jobs. This would in turn make it a safer league for the players who don’t have to go around trying to yank off Brett Favre’s testicles. There would be no need to be shady assholes if you knew you would have enough time to implant a proper system. If you still lose, then you deserve to be fired - but won’t be sent packing just because the owner doesn’t like your shirt on the first day.<br />
<br />
We got to this point in time through a one sided relationship between the commissioner and the league. There's a time and place to flex your muscles, and that is never and nowhere if you are a weiner. If you need to throw the book at every offender, no matter how minutely involved, at least throw it in both directions. Some regulation on the owners can go a long way. Also, if you're going to throw a book make it a decent read, I don't wanna get hit in the face by a hardcover of fucking Twilight (I do realize this analogy make no sense). <br />
<br />
Do the right thing here Rog'. If you must make an example, give Payton eight games. You can do whatever you wish with Dr. Heat. Start by stripping him of his medical license and then maybe push him in a big mud puddle; whatever makes you feel good at the end of the day. Just take a deep breathe, everything will be OK.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
-BJWSThe Boyshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04813054682951573686noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7737551097855124109.post-90247967554824107142012-03-21T22:38:00.003-04:002012-03-21T22:49:58.096-04:00Drunk GM 2<i>Hi there. I'm your general manager, and I'm wasted. This is where I go onto the trade-machine and have my way with some teams. Wanna see my downstairs business? Play your cards right and I'll send some good players your way... Or call you.</i><br />
<br />
I'M DRUNK AGAIN?<br />
<i> </i><br />
Yes.<br />
<br />
As I start to write this while watching the Philly/NY game Hubie Brown says: "He got beat off the dribble."<br />
Get it? DRIBBLE. Ahhhh you're alright. <br />
<br />
Ok, so I found a bottle of wine behind my house that kind of tastes like poison. The downside is I don't know what exactly is in it. The upside is, I'm drunk.<br />
<br />
Pre D'Antoni crucifixion, the talk of the town was GET MELO THE FUCK OUTTA THERE! Even though the Knickerbockers would never do this, pre-D'Antoni-cide or after, I will be. Because, don't you see? I can do whatever I please, you greedy urchins.<br />
<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiZHRqtkrWsFiglFQ2TGh0_9f97ZO-zmw3-ml7P_T0LQ4FCTwq1371pozY3-Qb_r32DZ2ukYqH4dwEc-o9u4P3ZsrWDCZmFezkqbi9xUhofNbUNP1dYMPnNheFQb3TBcHogCutGLh6xVZGo/s1600/mike_dantoni_knows_his_wife_is_hot.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiZHRqtkrWsFiglFQ2TGh0_9f97ZO-zmw3-ml7P_T0LQ4FCTwq1371pozY3-Qb_r32DZ2ukYqH4dwEc-o9u4P3ZsrWDCZmFezkqbi9xUhofNbUNP1dYMPnNheFQb3TBcHogCutGLh6xVZGo/s320/mike_dantoni_knows_his_wife_is_hot.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">EEEEEEEEEEHHH!?</td></tr>
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<a name='more'></a><br />
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<br />
<div style="color: red;"><span style="font-size: large;"><a href="http://espn.go.com/nba/tradeMachine?tradeId=6wwl3cx" target="_blank"><span style="color: red;">THEY</span> <span style="color: red;">CALL</span> <span style="color: red;">HIM</span> <span style="color: red;">MELO</span> <span style="color: red;">YELLOOWWWW! so frightening</span></a></span></div><br />
Heyo!<br />
<br />
I can't specify the Heyo I feel about this trade.<br />
<br />
To Memphis: Carmelo "Yellow" Anthony<br />
To New York: Rudy Gay, Dante Cunningham<br />
<br />
Memphis Starting 5: Conley, Mayo (new nickname I just thought of: "The Spread" Get it?), Anthony, Randolph (if healthy), Gasol<br />
<br />
New York Starting 5: Lin, Smith, Gay, Stoudemire, Chandler <br />
<br />
HEYO INDEED.<br />
<br />
This trade removes the one of a kind scoring ability of Melo for a better transition player in Gay. Melo at times seems lost (I read an article that said that he said he felt lost) and stalls the Linsanity. No man should stall Linsanity, it's so insane. Linsane in my god damn membrane all game in the fucking Ukraine. However, Lin is turnover prone and Baron Davis playing as a supplemental scorer isn't exactly phenomenal. When that offense does slow down and they need ball security, off balance shots from JR "My Sister Will Punch You in the Face" Smith and Baron Davis aren't a championship option. Rudy gives you essentially Melo-lite, with a better pension for defense and transition offense, for the Linsanity, remember? Also, Memphis might be getting the better of this trade. Look at that starting five. That gives me the pee-shivers. <br />
<br />
Downside? There is none. I am all that is man.<br />
(Unrelated note: trading away Carmelo Anthony probably has a tremendous downside that I refuse to acknowledge)<br />
<br />
Also, before I forget, Steve Novak is fucking awesome. That is all. <br />
<br />
<u><i>Stern's Take:</i></u><br />
<i>........I have a lot of fucking problems with this trade. First of all, New York will never do this. Donnie Walsh essentially gave away every legitimate player on New York last year in order to obtain this ball hog. Other than that fact......this trade isn't really all that bad. Both teams gain an advantage. Gay might be the perfect fit for Linsanity and Amare, and Melo gives Memphis a consistent go to scorer. Not bad drunk GM.....Not bad at all. On the other hand, go fuck yourself.</i><br />
<br />
NEEEXXXT<br />
<br />
<div style="color: red;"><span style="font-size: large;"><a href="http://espn.go.com/nba/tradeMachine?tradeId=73l7o48" target="_blank"><span style="color: red;">Let's</span> <span style="color: red;">make it</span> <span style="color: red;">official</span> <span style="color: red;">Portland</span></a></span></div><br />
<br />
This one goes out to the Space Needle, way to be tall.<br />
<br />
To Portland: Sefalosha, Collison, Aldrich<br />
To OKC: Aldridge<br />
<br />
Portland Starting 5: (single tear) Felton, Brandon Roy's ghost, someone else?, Collison, The guy who used to be Marcus Camby<br />
<br />
OKC Starting 5: Westbrook, Harden, Durant, Aldridge, Perkins <br />
<br />
Portland traded away Gerald Wallace to New Jersey, aka 'Fuckyousville'. It made me sad, but then I realized why do I give a fuck about Portland? I shouldn't. I think I have residual sadness for Greg Oden and Brandon Roy... poor guys.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Aw</td></tr>
</tbody></table><br />
Anyway, a potential playoff team that began to slip traded away a key part of their team and that means they should just get it the fuck over with and give up the good stuff. Come to me Aldridge my sweet. OKC becomes the greatest team ever assembled as long as Lamarcus can accept his role in the team that is jacked to the rafters with talent. I feel like when you are on the same team as Durant you kind of just stand around the rim going "SHOOOOT!" And then missing the rebound on his only miss of the night.<br />
<br />
Portland becomes the arm-pit of the North-West. YOU BROUGHT THIS ON YOURSELVES!<br />
<br />
<br />
<u><i>Stern's Take </i></u><br />
<i>Jesus fucking Christ drunk GM. This will never, ever happen. Portland plans to build around Aldridge for their future, and there is no upside here for Portland to make this trade.... at least throw in a fucking draft pick to make Portland want to do this trade. If you take away the fact that Portland will never do this, OKC would be the best team of all time. It honestly would be like a video game. can you say 82-0? Also, don't feel bad for Greg Oden. He may have no knees, but size matters drunk GM. </i><br />
<br />
<br />
Drunk GM doesn't take notes. Fuck y'all.The Boyshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04813054682951573686noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7737551097855124109.post-76138063780093753862012-03-15T17:31:00.005-04:002012-03-30T21:11:45.550-04:00From the desk of The Lakers Nation<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <o:OfficeDocumentSettings> <o:AllowPNG/> </o:OfficeDocumentSettings> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:WordDocument> <w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:TrackMoves>false</w:TrackMoves> <w:TrackFormatting/> <w:PunctuationKerning/> <w:DrawingGridHorizontalSpacing>18 pt</w:DrawingGridHorizontalSpacing> <w:DrawingGridVerticalSpacing>18 pt</w:DrawingGridVerticalSpacing> <w:DisplayHorizontalDrawingGridEvery>0</w:DisplayHorizontalDrawingGridEvery> <w:DisplayVerticalDrawingGridEvery>0</w:DisplayVerticalDrawingGridEvery> <w:ValidateAgainstSchemas/> <w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid> <w:IgnoreMixedContent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent> <w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText> <w:Compatibility> <w:BreakWrappedTables/> <w:DontGrowAutofit/> <w:DontAutofitConstrainedTables/> <w:DontVertAlignInTxbx/> </w:Compatibility> </w:WordDocument> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:LatentStyles DefLockedState="false" LatentStyleCount="276"> </w:LatentStyles> </xml><![endif]--> <!--[if gte mso 10]> <style>
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</style> <![endif]--> <!--StartFragment--> <div class="MsoNormal"><i>We get a lot of fan mail here at DGS. While we were going through the long list of emails in our inbox, we came across this article written by an anonymous Lakers fan. We know that you’re upset about the trade…it sucks, we get it. Anyways, enjoy the emotional reading of a true Lakers fan.</i></div><div class="MsoNormal"><i><br />
</i></div><!--EndFragment--><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www2.pictures.zimbio.com/gi/Kobe+Bryant+Derek+Fisher+New+Orleans+Hornets+qeCdtgb2m5Pl.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="212" src="http://www2.pictures.zimbio.com/gi/Kobe+Bryant+Derek+Fisher+New+Orleans+Hornets+qeCdtgb2m5Pl.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">We will miss you D-fish</td></tr>
</tbody></table><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Dear Derek,</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">If you are reading this, it means that we are finally over today’s nonsense and coming to terms with what has happened. You may not know us all too well, but we have been watching from the sidelines for quite some time. Year after year, we have looked upon you as the leader of our troops, the voice of reason to guide us when times are tough, and the constant reminder of how far heart can get you. But most importantly, you have become a brother to us, which is why this is the hardest thing we have ever had to write. Derek Fisher, you will forever be missed in Los Angeles as you leave a Lakers Legend.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Whenever I think of our relationship only one word comes to mind: loyalty. Fifteen years and counting in the NBA and you’ve spent twelve of them in Los Angeles. When you decided to leave LA, the time was right and we respected your decision. It’s hard to find a character like yourself that is so loyal to his organization, and we thank you for that. I cannot explain management’s decision to suddenly change its definition of loyalty, but I can tell you this: we will never forget what you have done for us. At the end of the day, we would have five less banners in the Staples Center without you. No matter what happens, we will always wear our purple and gold number 2 jerseys with pride.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">You may not have been the biggest name on our Lakers teams, but you definitely had the biggest heart. Whether you believe us or not, we idolized you. You were a role model for all of us, showing our community that you should never be afraid to take that shot. No matter how difficult, you took that shot, with everything on the line, and you took it with pride. You were always happy and thankful for what you have, and you were never afraid to get emotional to show your love for the game, the team. Your heroics will always have a special place in our hearts. You taught us that anything can happen, and that four tenths of a second can change your life.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">There really is no easy way to say this to you Derek, but we’re sorry. We’re sorry for how this had to end. We’re sorry for getting emotional (like how you got emotional for us) but now, there is this feeling in our gut that we wont be able to replace you, your heart, and your leadership. We wish you luck no matter where you go, but ask that you always remember us because we will always remember you. </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.amoeba.com/dynamic-images/blog/Gomez/fisher-4.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="208" src="http://www.amoeba.com/dynamic-images/blog/Gomez/fisher-4.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Mr. 0.4</td></tr>
</tbody></table><div class="MsoNormal">Unfaithfully yours,</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Lakers Fans<br />
<br />
<br />
JTU</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div>The Boyshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04813054682951573686noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7737551097855124109.post-71222209533720342272012-03-09T18:57:00.017-05:002012-03-22T03:23:20.699-04:00NFL Free Agency is a Dirty, Dirty Whore<i>DGS does not condone or encourage the solicitation of prostitution in any way. But who the fuck are we to tell you how to party. Just don't say we told you to, because that's fucked up guys.</i><br />
<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg9Lxb6TFi6NBh0G2pmo0HBKYumSsGICCtAphBmt491XA7AjpsuesBYGY89kwBjqeMuIl1hzAqRT2uPfdwrroEoFMbobaec5crs7Z31xP0AFLmjcLxDItkV4MIe6Qtu_N6Bj55gu2oIGbDo/s1600/police_officer.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg9Lxb6TFi6NBh0G2pmo0HBKYumSsGICCtAphBmt491XA7AjpsuesBYGY89kwBjqeMuIl1hzAqRT2uPfdwrroEoFMbobaec5crs7Z31xP0AFLmjcLxDItkV4MIe6Qtu_N6Bj55gu2oIGbDo/s320/police_officer.jpg" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">OK, I google image searched for 'prostitute' and this was one of the pictures that came up. How could I say no to Mr.Bean? I clearly couldn't.</td></tr>
</tbody></table><br />
It’s that strange time of year where the combine is over and you aren’t an ESPN insider so you can’t see any god damn mock drafts. What do you do? Read rumor after rumor online like the schlub you are. I’m no better, yesterday I refreshed the NFL.com page three times in a row hoping for new Peyton Manning news. We aren’t bad people, we just need to know, NOW.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgojROwxSW3uFzMZc553zabnbuyQq0JFlF5SBAx6QYM_n3A2vtF8IXFkXe91u3Aj34ccgYbybrn8HSHRy6G0DhBoNg4MX1mqjMZ4qY2782rEZdcNssOu7dKSEcl7w9GamiLnsuhcFYvAAbg/s1600/whisper_2_1274347685.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="238" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgojROwxSW3uFzMZc553zabnbuyQq0JFlF5SBAx6QYM_n3A2vtF8IXFkXe91u3Aj34ccgYbybrn8HSHRy6G0DhBoNg4MX1mqjMZ4qY2782rEZdcNssOu7dKSEcl7w9GamiLnsuhcFYvAAbg/s320/whisper_2_1274347685.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"PSSST! Cool sideburns"</td></tr>
</tbody></table><br />
We are enjoying an excellent condensed NBA schedule (SO MANY GAMES, ALL THE TIME!), and baseball still lingers in recent memory (remember all those dingers? I do). But now we all sit here drunk and upset because we don’t know what the fuck is going on with the all encompassing NFL. It seems like no one does at this point. There’s a fucking Manning team tracker for christ’s sake. <br />
<br />
<br />
The off season is in a full sprint and its kneeing us in the ball sack with every stride. They expect us to wait this long for something to happen? It's bullshit when NFL jams its product into our craniums for five months straight like the cerebral bore from <i>Turok: Dinosaur Hunter 64 </i>(I'm so happy I found a way to include that reference). <br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjQO6vCejCma0QAcAQHl30a16uOf2Y4P9Gv1sDHoLlOJkzvkrIV3yj6ba2eipPyXXPzatcTvYHwPAnjJXabOox-szUipYBt5DyEnILa2zpZrIUMUWWwfDac3SVdJ3say1XuU6K7plUZQn2c/s1600/turok" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjQO6vCejCma0QAcAQHl30a16uOf2Y4P9Gv1sDHoLlOJkzvkrIV3yj6ba2eipPyXXPzatcTvYHwPAnjJXabOox-szUipYBt5DyEnILa2zpZrIUMUWWwfDac3SVdJ3say1XuU6K7plUZQn2c/s1600/turok" /></a></div><br />
(<i>EDIT: A reader has informed that the infamous Cerebral Bore didn't appear until Turok 2. A thousand apologizes.)</i><br />
<br />
And now we are left with our brain-matter leaking out of a hole in our heads slobbering on ourselves; waiting for something football- ANYTHING FOOTBALL. We have a borderline addiction. It's not our fault. Who doesn't love the warm embrace of sweet touchdowns and grown men ripping each other's heads off to feast on the delicious innards (See 'Gregg Williams bounty program' for more details). The NFL machine taught us how to love it, but not how to set it free. How can we take a break from something that is such an important piece of our lives nearly half of the year? Heroin? No, don't, track-marks are tacky. <br />
<br />
The NFL seduces us and leaves us begging on the streets (or couch) for action. Action. That's the key word here. Without action we have nothing - because our brains have been drilled out, remember? Where do you get action when you are desperate? Sure you could go to the movies, or drink excessively. OR, you could go to the movies and drink excessively- but half price Tuesday is only once a week and last time they caught me urinating in a box of Milk Duds. ACTION, is the name of the game. And that game was named by the master of the game with the ever gamey name: PROSTITUTION.<br />
<br />
In short, and English: It has become clear to me that the NFL Free Agency shares a number of qualities to that of a prostitute. So, let's take a borderline offensive adventure through these qualities, shall we? You dirty whore.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://30.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lj3tlpcplo1qa0p82o1_500.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="134" src="http://30.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lj3tlpcplo1qa0p82o1_500.gif" width="320" /></a></div><br />
<br />
<b>1. It is a tease</b><br />
<br />
Whores show you the goods.<br />
<br />
Just like a prostitute, the NFL flashes you the goods - mesmerizing your pigskin. Peyton Manning, Brandon Jacobs, Mike Wallace, Dwight Freeney, Mario Williams, Reggie Wayne, Matt Flynn, Vincent Jackson, Plaxico Burress. Here’s a meaty list of team-changing players, BUT NO TOUCH.<br />
<br />
We can sit all day and stare at the tracker or hang out at the rumor mill, but the fact of the matter is: some of these players won’t sign until the summer or later. There’s a gold mine of talent giving you blue-balls and it hurts god dammit.<br />
<br />
We think that maybe the second free agency starts all these great players will just hop on a new contract. Unfortunately, this isn’t the case. Money is the issue you see.<br />
<br />
<b>2. It’s all about the money</b><br />
<br />
Like the great Ted DiBiase once said: “Money, money, money, money, moneeeeyyy! Everybody’s got a price, everybody’s gonna pay!”<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/Vm4TG56KGZ4?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div><br />
<br />
Contracts take for fucking ever to discuss. The nuances of an NFL contract are slightly more complicated than clicking force-trade on your Madden. These guys deserve to get paid, and their agents are going to make sure of it. We just have to wait for them to discuss the details (I heard Stephen Ross throws in Olive Garden coupons - take note, Peyton).<br />
<br />
While we wait, “Could I possibly get a Don Knotts for the price of two western-grip HJ’s? Hold the kissing please.”<br />
<br />
<b>3. It is mysterious</b><br />
<br />
Just like a scantily-clad woman standing on the street corner, you know nothing about what is happening in NFL free agency. Is her pimp mean to her? Is Denver willing to put Tim Tebow on the back burner? I bet you’ll never see those two sentences beside each other again.<br />
<br />
No one can tell you anything substantial. It's all hearsay and strained connections.<br />
<br />
Oh, so-and-so visited Arizona. But wait, he has family there. But wait, he said it’s not about family. But wait, he has a friend there. Oh shit wait, a source said it wasn’t about his friend. But hold on, his friend was dog-sitting for him. But that’s not all, his dog is huge Cardinals fan. But his dog was seen with a dead cardinal in his mouth. But wait, that was a toy. Yes, but the toy was a stuffed Larry Fitzgerald. OK, but, he is scheduled to fly to Canada tomorrow. What’s in Canada? Another dog. But the other dog is named Bronco. WELL, IT LOOKS LIKE THE BRONCOS ARE FIRST ON THIS GUY’S LIST.<br />
<br />
Fuck you. I’d rather be completely in the dark then be told the details of the poor guy’s life who is being stalked around the continent during his vacation.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEilSwp__y5P36TFYcjphr-oP6vz4LqH3NTCt1kMsnvAaUUXMW94F0_ihiuBoW0KVwqsDDqGCjO5IGx7p1QqdpdyLu5XhLh6O3iMckMlbCoQZ8IMidmNfGSplgPlzvsHnBxJLepuKsrLoqeg/s1600/LilBit_the_Bronco_Dog.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEilSwp__y5P36TFYcjphr-oP6vz4LqH3NTCt1kMsnvAaUUXMW94F0_ihiuBoW0KVwqsDDqGCjO5IGx7p1QqdpdyLu5XhLh6O3iMckMlbCoQZ8IMidmNfGSplgPlzvsHnBxJLepuKsrLoqeg/s320/LilBit_the_Bronco_Dog.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Key source</td></tr>
</tbody></table><br />
<b>4. Someone could get hurt</b><br />
<br />
If you aren’t careful, you could wind up getting pistol whipped by someone named Mr. White Chocolate Brad Flash (NOTE: this is what came up when I typed my name into <a href="http://www.playerappreciate.com/pimphandle.asp" style="color: red;" target="_blank">this pimp name generator</a>). If you follow the free agency like everyone does, including myself, you wind up getting hurt. One day you wake up and order matching Manning and Wayne jerseys, and the next you drink a fifth of jungle juice and watch highlights of college quarterbacks. "He might be good in five years... Maybe..." (throws bottle at wall). <br />
<br />
The players could potentially be hurt by the process as well. If they hold out or make rash decisions they could end up missing a lot of season. *COUGH* PAY DREW BREES *COUGH*<br />
<br />
<b>5. It happens at night</b> <br />
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I assume that every signing takes place under an overpass and everyone wears trench coats. OK, I don’t have a fifth comparison, it just sounds better than four.<br />
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So enjoy NFL free agency responsibly. Try not to get too hurt when you inevitably do not land the player your team needs. Thus is the NFL.<br />
<br />
Hey baby, lookin' for a good time?<br />
<br />
Yes?<br />
<br />
NO KISSING!<br />
<br />
-BJWSThe Boyshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04813054682951573686noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7737551097855124109.post-79339123078454526372012-03-07T22:01:00.002-05:002012-03-07T22:03:12.028-05:00From the desk of Jon Snow<i>So we have a new anonymous guest writer here at DGS who uses the pseudonym Jon Snow. ISN'T THAT MYSTERIOUS AND SHIT!? The asexual being that wrote this piece is a good writer I think, so enjoy - but not too much because that's bullshit. I WORK HARD.</i><br />
<br />
<br />
<b>From the Desk of Jon Snow:</b><i> </i><br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgTOVMivniXYVS6hqr8xmBTvN2VwibmQGVve6CVgupdCnICf7nmJXTcWdRgHxDQ9HokbYv5jFNfR808iTnwTIoZUVGP56ZL3Y1q5f3YXDWH7e6icLjTU9N5BNtJbbTnwubEPz-F7T-yIyNy/s1600/jon-on-wall-1-.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgTOVMivniXYVS6hqr8xmBTvN2VwibmQGVve6CVgupdCnICf7nmJXTcWdRgHxDQ9HokbYv5jFNfR808iTnwTIoZUVGP56ZL3Y1q5f3YXDWH7e6icLjTU9N5BNtJbbTnwubEPz-F7T-yIyNy/s320/jon-on-wall-1-.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">So mysteriou<b>s</b></td></tr>
</tbody></table><br />
<a name='more'></a><br />
<div><div class="mimepart text html"><b>INSTANT ANALYSIS: Welcome to the City where the heat is on/ All night 'til the break of dawn, Peyton Manning</b><br />
<div><br />
</div><div>By Jon "The Bastard" Snow </div><div><br />
</div><div>While I may not know who my mother is, I do know this: Peyton Manning is coming to Miami to play football for the Dolphins.</div><div><br />
</div><div>Here are the following reasons, ranked in the order of how angry it made me to type them.</div><div></div><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEinNJGO48GDZN3n5FshGs8i2okxdmdkp9UkIR6cXT2o7t2qD5M-eOJZLmsH5UfUtWwI4xx7oFcnipABTlKYHiCspT7skqOpFvgjlHy_5CvEsOfDATV_Y52vKjuu7rfPg7XJcNXoLXU686Rf/s1600/555688.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEinNJGO48GDZN3n5FshGs8i2okxdmdkp9UkIR6cXT2o7t2qD5M-eOJZLmsH5UfUtWwI4xx7oFcnipABTlKYHiCspT7skqOpFvgjlHy_5CvEsOfDATV_Y52vKjuu7rfPg7XJcNXoLXU686Rf/s1600/555688.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Ever so pissed</td></tr>
</tbody></table><div></div><div><br />
</div><div><b>1) We are Marshall. Or, rather, Brandon is. Brandon Marshall is his name. He's Marshall.</b></div><div><br />
</div><div>I swear Brandon Marshall deservedly shoots whatever tackling dummy Miami puts under centre MURDEROUS glances every two seconds. The man is dying in the gorgeous South Florida sun as Matt Moore airs another one.</div><div><br />
</div><div>NO MORE, I SAY.</div><div><br />
</div><div>Marshall gives Manning his Marvin Harrison/Reggie Wayne safety blanket. It's a match made by the Old Gods. Because I'm Jon Snow, you see. </div><div><br />
</div><div><br />
</div><div><b>2) A monster pass rush.</b></div><div><br />
</div><div>The Fins had 41 sacks with Cam Wake out to lunch/getting his shit seen on tape and Jason Taylor decaying between plays. They get to the quarterback, much like Dwight Freeney/Robert Mathis did for Peyton in Indianapolis.</div><div><br />
</div><div>Why is this good?</div><div><br />
</div><div>For one, because I said it and I'm always right and you're about to learn this.</div><div><br />
</div><div>Also, because Manning's game is BALL CONTROL. And that's not a term describing Jake Long rearranging himself on the sideline; it means he is good at keeping opposing offences off the field and scoring points. Then said opposing offence is forced to get busy throwing or get busy dying. Considering Cam Wake is basically an axe murderer in shoulder pads I like the death odds.</div><div><br />
</div><div><b>3) Old people love Florida.</b></div><div><br />
</div><div>Peyton Manning is by all appearances the whitest man on the planet. His pants have been rising steadily by several inches every year and Florida is the perfect place for him to grow old and spend hours studying his shuffleboard game tape. </div><div><br />
</div><div><b>4) The spectre of MARINO</b></div><div></div><div>When Dan Marino was on his way out, Peyton Manning was a young pup aching to break every record Dan the Dictator ever set. They became quarterbuddies; and Marino even bestowed upon him what could almost be called respect.</div><div><br />
</div><div>That's right, DAN MARINO, the guy who was kissed by a man dressed as a woman in Ace Ventura, RESPECTS PEYTON MANNING.</div><div><br />
</div><div>Now, ROLE REVERSAL. Peyton is the grizzled old vet with hindering injuries and a batshit insane GM that will prevent Miami from winning a championship. It will be a beautiful moment and I bet Don Shula and Marino are heading towards Peyton's house by locomotive as I type this word. Or plane. I'm not a travel agent.</div><div><br />
</div><div>I will cry again, but it will happen. </div><div><br />
</div><div><b>5) To bitchslap Brady.</b></div><div><br />
</div><div>Sigh. I started off with two legitimate reasons but we've already gone way off the rails.</div><div><br />
</div><div>Ah, fuck it. </div><div><br />
</div><div>Also, fuck Brady. </div><div><br />
</div><div>Though on the surface Manning and Brady appear to be quarterbuddies, there is no way that's true. Their rivalry is one that people think is diminished and congenial but Peyton Manning has to hate Tom Brady more than he does an improperly read defence.</div><div><br />
</div><div>Now, if he came to Miami he would get to play The Renaissance Man twice a year.</div><div><br />
</div><div>Peyton Manning has worked his whole life to become the perfect quarterback. He lives and dies with football because he's super focused and intense AND DOGGONE IT HE PLAYS THE GAME THE RIGHT WAY. In other words, he's the embodiment of every 60-year-old sportswriter's superego.</div><div><br />
</div><div>Tom Brady wears Uggs, knocks up chicks and dumps them, attends Carnival (Carnie-Val? Portugese was never my strong suit), married a super model who gets hysterical taking swipes at Wes Welker (another sportswriter fave), wears his hair in a fashion that makes Joe Namath cringe and is basically every man's id if it could throw a ball 70 yards.</div><div><br />
</div><div>(Little-known fact: Sigmund Freud was a Dolphins fan. Little-known, because I just made it up.)</div><div><br />
</div><div>In other words, he spits on everything Peyton Manning and the monocle-wearing masses hold dear. </div><div><br />
</div><div>AND Eli beat him twice, in Super Bowls no less, while Peyton has but a single ring.</div><div><br />
</div><div>With family values like the Manning's have, you just know Peyton is sick at that being how his legacy stands. He wants to clip Brady's wings and send him plummeting back to earth where the rest of us mortals will slosh our brandy on him and demand shoe-shines.</div><div><br />
</div><div>Marvellous.</div><div><br />
</div><div><br />
</div><div>So there it is. I'm sure some asshole team will step in and ruin everything but let's be serious, those last three reasons were not grounded in rationality at all. AND YET YOU READ ALL THE WAY TO HERE.</div><div><br />
</div><div>I would like to apologize but my BASTARD upbringing prohibits it.</div><div><br />
</div><div>Also, from becoming the Steward of the North.</div><div><br />
</div><div>Sigh. George RR Martin, write me a Super Bowl.</div><div><br />
</div><div><br />
</div><div><br />
</div><div><br />
</div><div><br />
</div></div></div>The Boyshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04813054682951573686noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7737551097855124109.post-73825825514237022432012-02-29T19:39:00.008-05:002012-02-29T19:53:27.315-05:00Drunk GM 1: I'LL TRADE YOU ALL MY SLAMMERS!Hello beautiful. I'm your Drunk General Manager. Wanna see my downstairs business?<br />
<br />
This is the game where I get drunk and use the Trade Machine to jump all over rumors and my own sick fantasies to create ridiculous trades. Will any of these ever happen? Most likely no, unless a couple GM’s started hitting the sauce on the regular, but who the fuck cares anyway. Don’t tell me how unfair or unlikely these trades are either, I’M THE DRUNK GM, NOT YOU. So if you like looking at hypothetical trades a drunk man entered into a trade generator, stick around, this is right up your alley. TRY AND VETO THIS. Also I don't give a shit about salaries and luxury tax, hence the generator people.<br />
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If you play your cards right I might just call you up to discuss things...<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj8dTm8Ls_aJVi2n6kLBXWOUiLyJQzUX40anDQWl9VqiX_dPfQYFgpH6iWC8kGzYzStuXfL_ZqD4Uj1_BqHtZWocVsND-LEfyFB2YEPLVm6P30RyDi-AkJV_7eMwmb9_GY5xu51AdjcQ6i0/s1600/Dwight_howard.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="207" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj8dTm8Ls_aJVi2n6kLBXWOUiLyJQzUX40anDQWl9VqiX_dPfQYFgpH6iWC8kGzYzStuXfL_ZqD4Uj1_BqHtZWocVsND-LEfyFB2YEPLVm6P30RyDi-AkJV_7eMwmb9_GY5xu51AdjcQ6i0/s320/Dwight_howard.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br />
<a name='more'></a><br />
<br />
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Finally, my good pal Josh will be analyzing my trades like the vulturous shit-hawk he is, so please spare me your criticism.<br />
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Let’s see what I came up with this week.<br />
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<div style="background-color: black; color: red; text-align: center;"><i><span style="font-size: x-large;"><a href="http://espn.go.com/nba/tradeMachine?tradeId=6tb3yxg" target="_blank"><span style="color: red;"><span style="background-color: black;"></span>Sorry Jersey</span></a></span></i></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgHVOyCYBPXNAnzkxCvGJLoHs06o1_64UWV8w_9yowDxVD1IpLKja8eF9-7NTNHLVTQvVN5rAbT4tXvXLC8eZkvjfU4NJ10ZYswE3eytTxmdU6GN78JS2RugZS-WJTWWVwbvjZKbS4-YjUh/s1600/Carlos+Boozer+Deron+Williams+Los+Angeles+Lakers+OMQxRlsPn5gl.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="231" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgHVOyCYBPXNAnzkxCvGJLoHs06o1_64UWV8w_9yowDxVD1IpLKja8eF9-7NTNHLVTQvVN5rAbT4tXvXLC8eZkvjfU4NJ10ZYswE3eytTxmdU6GN78JS2RugZS-WJTWWVwbvjZKbS4-YjUh/s320/Carlos+Boozer+Deron+Williams+Los+Angeles+Lakers+OMQxRlsPn5gl.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br />
<br />
Here's a blockbuster trade. By blockbuster I mean that New Jersey is going to be getting the fuck out of contention for many years, possibly eternity. Here's a quick breakdown:<br />
<br />
To LA: <i>Deron Williams, Carlos Boozer</i><br />
To Chicago:<i> Pau Gasol</i><br />
To New Jersey:<i> Steve Blake, Matt Barnes, Andrew Goudelock, Ronnie Brewer</i><br />
<br />
This trade is basically Chicago and LA teaming to up to strip New Jersey of all dignity like it's pants were caught in a bike chain and were torn off in front of a bunch of screaming girls. But, it is also awesome for a number of reasons.<br />
<br />
<u>LA Lakers </u><br />
<br />
Starting 5: Williams, Bryant, Artest, Boozer, Bynum<br />
<br />
This is a truly disgusting starting five. The back court is possibly the best 1-2 punch the league has ever seen (MOVE OVER JASON WILLIAMS/DOUG CHRISTIE!). The classic Utah pick and pop with Deron and Boozer would be back in full force, and Carlos doesn't have to face the additional pressure of being a consistent scorer on a good team- sticking to what he's been good at historically. Williams seems to mesh well with anyone who isn't named Jerry Sloan, and this veteran Lakers squad should be no different. Kobe would have less weight on his shoulders with the presence of Deron, who can also effectively set up and feed Bynum- something Fisher and Blake seem to forget is an option at times. Shoot more 3s fellas. This would equal a championship in 3 years minimum or else the team would implode hilariously when Kobe Bryant stabs Mike Brown to death with his sharpened MVP trophy. Hilarious.<br />
<br />
<u>Chicago Bulls</u><br />
<br />
Starting 5: Rose, Hamilton, Deng, Gasol, Noah<br />
<br />
Nothing drastic is missing from this Bulls team here expect Brewer's defense and decent scoring when called upon. I also heard he gives really good high-fives... You will be missed Ronnie. Gasol brings better scoring to an already loaded bulls team. Noah won't have to Frisbee in any shots if Hamilton and Deng can stay healthy, he can stick to banging the boards and having a sweet pony-tail. With this lineup the Bulls are a more complete contender and have the man-power to slow down those fuckers in South Beach with rebounding and Derrick Rose's humbleness (seriously, people need to get something new to say about the guy. OH HE'S SO HUMBLE AND HE'S ONLY 23! Stop rewarding him for acting normally. You don't have to reward a successful young person every time they don't act like a pissy-brat. Fuckers.).<br />
<br />
<u>New Jersey Nets</u><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh0E9uCmxhohjG6I-vccL4YEcnbsgwNBExsacPcDouB0jGus0A6zV9LlDkASX6aZrSt7xRN0hwGuP0bOEI-7PHye__03A_lmlPgWnglh6-iZlfUJf4CSkRRpgCj4YM_x1VivjWHlLpJogNw/s1600/collar-pull.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh0E9uCmxhohjG6I-vccL4YEcnbsgwNBExsacPcDouB0jGus0A6zV9LlDkASX6aZrSt7xRN0hwGuP0bOEI-7PHye__03A_lmlPgWnglh6-iZlfUJf4CSkRRpgCj4YM_x1VivjWHlLpJogNw/s1600/collar-pull.gif" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Uh oh</td></tr>
</tbody></table><br />
Starting 5: *AHEM* umm... Blake...(Maybe Farmar?), Brooks... (Maybe Brewer?), Barnes, Kardashian, probably Okur with all the money he's getting... But hopefully Lopez...<br />
<br />
Very ouch baby. This trade puts them in the shitter, no doubt about. However, if you look on the bright side MarShon Brooks is playing great ball as a rookie and you've cleared plenty of cap room to sign your next 5 lottery picks (har har). Also, did I mention: STEVE BLAKE! Yah, there's no way around this one. Sorry Joisy.<br />
<br />
<u>STERN'S TAKE</u>:<br />
<i>We are all now dumber for reading this trade. I hate you for writing this.</i><br />
<i>1. Don't tease a Lakers fan with this bullshit. It is impossible for a GM to ever be this self destructive. This would be running New Jersey into the ground for all time and I don't think the future leader of Russia would allow that. Piece of shit.</i><br />
<i>2. Deron wants to play for Dallas. Boozer and Gasol aren't as interchangeable as you think. I'm sure the thought of trading someone named BOOZER got you all hot-to-trot but it's not that cut and paste when you consider giving up a good bench player like Brewer. Piece of shit. </i><br />
<br />
<br />
<div style="background-color: black; color: red; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-large;"><i><a href="http://espn.go.com/nba/tradeMachine?tradeId=7pms32b" target="_blank"><span style="color: red;"><span style="background-color: black;"></span>Save Steve Nash!</span></a></i></span></div><div style="color: red;"><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhBWcgDSK6QT87nybw5VBCL1uCtFK6h167elXs4PQC93s1vcy3V7Atn4VmgvQd3B9Kl5yDlBMfY0e7EiYi0r4XlaZ26fTY3nEsc_Oo4DvLYU3Z4WDxKx_STmku5QB3auQhBjNpERfi39F3q/s1600/steve_nash.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="248" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhBWcgDSK6QT87nybw5VBCL1uCtFK6h167elXs4PQC93s1vcy3V7Atn4VmgvQd3B9Kl5yDlBMfY0e7EiYi0r4XlaZ26fTY3nEsc_Oo4DvLYU3Z4WDxKx_STmku5QB3auQhBjNpERfi39F3q/s320/steve_nash.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">BACK IN THE BALL PIT STEVEN!</td></tr>
</tbody></table><br />
Steve Nash is dying people. A slow and painful death out in the desert. We need to save him now. This is what I propose. It's actually not terrible, unless you are Phoenix... Or New Orleans. Here's the trade:<br />
<br />
To Phoenix: <i>Jason Kidd, Emeka Okafor</i><br />
To Dallas: <i>Steve Nash, Eric Gordon, Marcin Gortat</i><br />
To New Orleans:<i> Jason Terry, Josh Childress</i><br />
<br />
PRAISE THE LORD!<br />
<br />
<u>Phoenix Suns</u><br />
<br />
Starting 5: Kidd, Redd, Hill, Warrick, Okafor<br />
<br />
Holy macral! That is an old starting lineup. At any point 1-3 could break a hip or die. Then we have two busts in the front court. This is a hilarious team of "what if's". I personally love it. I'm not sure I could watch more than 10 minutes of these guys trying to keep up with any good team, but maaaan... So basically this team is fucked.<br />
<br />
<u>Dallas Mavericks</u><br />
<br />
Starting 5: Nash, Gordon, Marion/Odom, Nowitzki, Gortat <br />
<br />
Here is what their championship team SHOULD have looked like. Not JJ Barea running rampant like a tiny rogue bear. There is complete scoring from all angles, decent enough defense, rebounding and mismatches all over the place. This trade makes me smile. The chemistry in this lineup would be just delightful. I can't stress enough how, Nash and Nowitzki, the two super-best friends ever are back together, PLUS Shawn Marion with Nash again, PLUS Gortat is still with Nash, PLUS Eric Gordan is good at stuff too! Think of the chemistry! It's like if Sir Isaac Newton had a wet dream while sleeping next to a Bunsen burner that Ernest Rutherford was using to heat a shit ton of Uranium. CHEMISTRY BABY... I can't believe you aren't thinking about all this chemistry.<br />
<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiq9wO6oXAfcNdv7ucfDlUeZTxJq4bi_3K1wUs47P1r9MDgHhGUQn3VEPEQQC93nrO22P6oofc1-YZ97YzCVGEm_vTUmqFBEgatZ8BUDuxWIFzNyTAXdoeCooVhlZI8j9PGLvP2xu2AfQby/s1600/chemist.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="233" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiq9wO6oXAfcNdv7ucfDlUeZTxJq4bi_3K1wUs47P1r9MDgHhGUQn3VEPEQQC93nrO22P6oofc1-YZ97YzCVGEm_vTUmqFBEgatZ8BUDuxWIFzNyTAXdoeCooVhlZI8j9PGLvP2xu2AfQby/s320/chemist.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Hmm... Yes... This blue liquid is definitely something... CHEMISTRY!</td></tr>
</tbody></table><u> New Orleans Hornets</u><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgpdmFphIudXwLS9-LxTzbaa4lmyq0mESpc_ZALwUVAN3FTE2UaKklEfEZkiJwF7CvE2o1cT0IkgUytZkY2GQML3imR7YE7msVMCXqc0hAbHFKOG5WJjH2hrRogUR0Il5lqyxCxv3npFAt3/s1600/tumblr_lkv6ntMzmM1qjzfqpo1_500.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="238" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgpdmFphIudXwLS9-LxTzbaa4lmyq0mESpc_ZALwUVAN3FTE2UaKklEfEZkiJwF7CvE2o1cT0IkgUytZkY2GQML3imR7YE7msVMCXqc0hAbHFKOG5WJjH2hrRogUR0Il5lqyxCxv3npFAt3/s320/tumblr_lkv6ntMzmM1qjzfqpo1_500.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I'm so sad only one tear came out</td></tr>
</tbody></table><br />
Starting 5: Jack, Terry/Belinelli, Childress/Ariza, Landry, Kaman<br />
<br />
Yesh. Sorry Chris Kaman. This team is the polar opposite of the other two results of this trade. I'm very, very sad looking at this team. If we tell ourselves it's for the good of Steve Nash it won't feel so bad. At least the Phoenix team was going to be OK... or at least funny to watch, this is bad. Veto bad. OH WAIT. Fucking league.<br />
<br />
I guess a drunk person can dream.<br />
<br />
<u>STERN'S TAKE:</u><br />
<i>Its like your writing this just to piss me off. First you tease me with LA getting Deron, and now your telling me you want to make Dallas better? Fuck you drunk GM, this trade is shit and David Stern would veto this trade faster than LeBron's receding hairline.</i><br />
<i>1) I highly doubt the state of Arizona would welcome back Jason Kidd after his abuse charge while he was playing there... </i><br />
<i>2) Why did you even need to include New Orleans? Throw in Brendan Haywood's 10 mill a year or even Odom's contract since he's playing like crap and the cap works between Dallas and Phoenix. Do you just love watching the world burn?</i><br />
<i>3) THE POLISH HAMMER!</i><br />
<i>4) Isiah Thomas seems like a better GM than you at this point</i><br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
Well, I think we all learned a valuable lesson today: drinking solves everything. Also, the NBA should be reduced to 10 teams who are completely stacked and become super entertaining. And just like Puff Daddy once said: It's all in about the benjaminsss baaaaby. I'm not 100% sure how that relates but I know it does.<br />
<br />
Just remember: I don't give a fuck what you think of these trades. Go make your own, mine are too good for you anyway. Leave me alone. DRUNK GM OUT! <br />
<br />
<br />
Chemistry shout out:<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><a href="http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2012/02/120228101712.htm" target="_blank">TINY RADIO STATION MOTHERFUCKER!</a></span><br />
<br />
Gotta love that chemistry.The Boyshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04813054682951573686noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7737551097855124109.post-11017386349290530882012-02-05T15:34:00.003-05:002012-03-22T03:23:53.229-04:00Sooper Facts For Your Dumbass<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjPZ5PE2sAG6ImUSYrS9tTvnsPRM-ARyRJoLqvIdvH4XpGiquUyvL-Mj7cH49xjZL_CpgT_MerIYDSZltGd8ds4Q67dNtQbjSOgtGYyR0_BdVn692qy8wLRPo-nBDZmK05gxfh_nYx8W0nu/s1600/manning-super-bowl1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="215" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjPZ5PE2sAG6ImUSYrS9tTvnsPRM-ARyRJoLqvIdvH4XpGiquUyvL-Mj7cH49xjZL_CpgT_MerIYDSZltGd8ds4Q67dNtQbjSOgtGYyR0_BdVn692qy8wLRPo-nBDZmK05gxfh_nYx8W0nu/s320/manning-super-bowl1.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br />
Guess what? After over a month of silence, we return. Conveniently, today is the Super Bowl as well. I recently found some sweet facts in regard to some of the people involved in today's big game. They may or may not be complete bullshit... but hey, that's for you to decide!<br />
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<br />
<i><b>Fact #1: Eli Manning once picked a dog up by it's hind legs and pushed it around like a vacuum cleaner</b></i><br />
<br />
He is truly history's greatest monster.<br />
<i><b> </b></i><br />
<br />
<i><b>Fact #2: Madonna took Eli Manning's virginity</b></i><br />
<br />
That's right, the hag laid pipe on the young Manning. I could only be speculating here (I am), but I believe it was 1967 in De Nang.<br />
<br />
Eli was a young GI fighting for his country. He stumbled upon a cavern deep within the Vietnamese jungle. There laid a tomb, a stone casket. On the front there were very clear instructions: 'DO NOT OPEN, THOU SHALT FEEL THE WRATH OF BABYLON'. Drunk on the blood his fallen comrades, Eli tore open the tomb. With a burst of foul mist reeking of London Gin and Salmon the hag emerged from her slumber. She laid her lust filled eyes on the terrified young man. She then proceeded to attack his genitalia like a gardener starting a lawnmower. The young GI fainted from the pain and excitement of it all.<br />
<br />
And with that, Madonna, the Hag of Babylon, was released on the world to rape and plunder and penetrate our ear drums with English cackles and screeches. Now, she's here to fuck up the Super Bowl. Damn you, Eli Manning. But really, what the fuck can we expect from a guy who once pushed a dog around like a god damn vacuum cleaner. <i><b> </b></i><br />
<br />
<i><b>Fact #3: Rob Gronkowski failed Spanish</b></i><br />
<br />
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<br />
<i><b>Fact #4: Tom Coughlin is Gollum's stunt double in the upcoming 'The Hobbit' film.</b></i><br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjpxxyN5SMSIXedPnb9IJKMyEGbwDfXD7fd_ay1Z4SXEfgRqXwyWnzLeAIxhEuN6zlK1atMwgstEsXSnNZ_mefARj1ozdKpEkXT5SJhWosp05SQAO4fCPbpL2BUcEjbHDQon4SLQUIEeWuQ/s1600/6101296.bin.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="128" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjpxxyN5SMSIXedPnb9IJKMyEGbwDfXD7fd_ay1Z4SXEfgRqXwyWnzLeAIxhEuN6zlK1atMwgstEsXSnNZ_mefARj1ozdKpEkXT5SJhWosp05SQAO4fCPbpL2BUcEjbHDQon4SLQUIEeWuQ/s200/6101296.bin.jpeg" width="200" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgN4c130I4H6-2dSFLAPUobItp7w_wukkgXNV7eKrFyHsWK0fcHWX2pYPnra3QlxyHOly8wlPQWEOGlYCt5TG4sbmOI0gNIOwga1-g4Q1NEy1P-SWR3lzgeIJcZbkrXp0ibWjXF0FpPcRHs/s1600/go" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="160" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgN4c130I4H6-2dSFLAPUobItp7w_wukkgXNV7eKrFyHsWK0fcHWX2pYPnra3QlxyHOly8wlPQWEOGlYCt5TG4sbmOI0gNIOwga1-g4Q1NEy1P-SWR3lzgeIJcZbkrXp0ibWjXF0FpPcRHs/s200/go" width="200" /></a></div><br />
<i><b>Fact #5: Tom Brady wears Uggs to bed</b></i><br />
<br />
Of course he does... The guy probably has a pair for every mood he's in.<br />
<br />
<i><b>Fact #6: Tom Brady and Bill Belichick like to ride a tandem bicycle together</b></i><br />
<br />
One hot summer day in Massachusetts, Tom Brady's phone rang. "Tom! You have to come outside now!"<br />
<br />
<i><b>"</b></i>Who is this?"<br />
<br />
<i><b>"</b></i>It's Bill! Tom, quick come outside!"<br />
<br />
So Tom Brady tossed on his morning Uggs and ran downstairs. Outside was his best buddy Bill Belichick. To most he was a monotone, grumpy, disassociated asshole; but to Tom, he was a friend. Bill was standing there wearing a bright blue Hawaiian shirt with a look a pure glee smeared across his normally sad, amorphous face. "What's up Bill?"<br />
<br />
At the question Belichick merely giggled and grabbed Brady's arm pulling him as he began to gallop like an excited rabbit in the other direction. The two ran for at least 10 minutes before they finally reached the their destination, The Old Johnson Family Barn. It had been abandoned for years, and sometimes the local teenagers would drink there at night, causing a ruckus. The paint was peeling on the outside and all the windows were either smashed in or boarded up. It was a place that scared Tom, Gisele had told him to stay away because bad people would hurt him there, and one time Randy Moss told him that it was haunted.<br />
<br />
"INSIDE!" Bill yelled as he ran towards the door. Tom was unsure, he was afraid of the barn. "It's alright, Tom, the barn isn't haunted... Randy was just fucking with you about that."<br />
<br />
Once they entered, Tom saw the reason for the abrupt awakening, it truly could not wait. There, pressed against the North wall of the barn, was a bright red Schwinn bicycle. Not just any bicycle, it had two seats.<br />
<br />
"A fucking TANDEM BIKE!?" Boggled Brady<br />
<br />
"OOHHH YA!" Replied Belichick as he picked up the dusty bike. "I found it when I came here to laugh the other night."<br />
<br />
"It's... It's... WONDERFUL!" Tom gushed.<br />
<br />
That summer was the greatest of their lives... The two men rode that bike everyday, and went everywhere. They even bought a side-cart for Wes Welker, who was feeling left out. So the three of them would wave at passers by, and get ice cream together every evening. Gisele would have to call Tom before it got too late, because their adventures would often lead them to stay out all hours, getting into trouble. That bike almost made them forget what had happened. They had lost, their perfect season was over, and they would probably never have the chance again. But, they all knew that, for at least that summer, that bike- WAS PERFECT.<br />
<br />
Fuck the Pats.<br />
<br />
<br />
-BJWS <br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div>The Boyshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04813054682951573686noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7737551097855124109.post-39608618992055268232012-02-05T15:13:00.004-05:002012-02-05T17:26:12.114-05:00The BIGGEST REMATCH IN THE HISTORY OF SPORTS PEYTON MANNINGS BROTHER Bowl<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">The two shittiest sports cities with the worst fucking fans on the planet are playing in the Super Bowl today which is horse shit because that means one of those fan bases gets to celebrate yet another championship... spoiled fucks... But I guess the benefit is that the other team has to lose and we can all marvel at a bunch of grown men crying with funny accents. </span></span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.wrapupp.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/New-York-Giants-Fans-Crying.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="190" src="http://www.wrapupp.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/New-York-Giants-Fans-Crying.png" width="320" /></a></div><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;"><br />
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<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">Why Boston sucks...</span></span></div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></span></div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">I actually like Boston as a city. I’ve been there before, and it was lovely. But fuck their sports fans and their spoiled shitty attitudes. The Celtics, Bruins, Patriots and Red Sox have all won championships since I’ve been of drinking age (not the legal age, but the age in which I started getting adults in front of the LCBO to buy me 40’s of Colt 45 and getting drunk in people's basements)</span></span><br />
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;"> and that’s bullshit because the only thing that I’ve been able to celebrate is an Argo’s Grey Cup and the Toronto Rock winning the NLL... If you don’t know what either of those things are, you now realize how shitty it is being a Toronto fan as of late. Even with all of the success Boston fans have been having lately, they still find thousands of ways to bitch and moan about their teams. Oh my pitcher was drinking beer and eating chicken wings... Oh my goalie didn’t go to the White House... Oh my quarterback wears Uggs... Just shut the fuck up already and enjoy just how lucky you guys are.</span></span><br />
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">I honestly cant imagine what happens if the Pats lose today... It’ll be over 10 years since TAWWMY won a Super Bowl, and they would have lost their past two Super Bowls to the New York Yankee football team. All that needs to happen after this is for the Red Sox to finish below the Yankees, Rays and Jays in the standings and the streets of Boston erupt with the flames of fury emitting from Bill Simmon's eyeballs...</span></span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://static6.businessinsider.com/image/4e4064e3ecad041503000025/bill-simmons-mustache.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://static6.businessinsider.com/image/4e4064e3ecad041503000025/bill-simmons-mustache.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;"><br />
</span></span></div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></span></div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">Why New York sucks....</span></span><br />
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</span></span></div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">New York just sucks... </span></span><br />
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">Sure the city is cool because it’s big and there’s a lot to do. But the people there are fucking assholes. Unlike Boston fans, New York fans haven’t been nearly as spoiled (Yankees not included because, fuck that). The Rangers haven’t won since '94, the Islanders are barely a thing, the Knicks are underachieving at a comical level, and although the Jets would have you believe they’ve won the past 3 Super Bowls, have continued to not do shit.</span></span><br />
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">However if the Giants win today, that’ll be two Super Bowls in 4 years, and New Yorkers will jump all over the word dynasty and start talking about how Eli and Coughlin have surpassed Brady and Bill and will become 1000% more obnoxious then any Boston fan could dream of being. Even though I’m an Eagles fan and hate New York just because they're New York, there are plenty of people out there who will agree with the assessment that New York fans are complete douche bags and the last thing we need is for New York to have two teams they can call dynasties.</span></span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://troll.me/images/pissed-off-obama/fuck-no.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://troll.me/images/pissed-off-obama/fuck-no.jpg" width="268" /></a></div><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;"><br />
</span></span></div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></span></div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></span></div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></span></div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">The Game</span></span></div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></span></div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">We all know the story lines, we’ve been spoon fed them for two weeks now. I’m cheering for the Pats and I also think they’re going to win. The fact that they don’t play defense makes me nervous, and if Gronk can’t go it fucks everything up. But I don’t think the Tom Brady factor can be understated. There is no way Brady is going to let the little dweeb Eli Manning beat him in the Super Bowl twice, he just can’t. He’s married to fucking Giselle... Eli still gets his lunches packed by Mamma Manning. </span></span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Brady won’t lose, even if he has to put up 40 points (which he may have to). There’s been a lot of talk about the Giants pass rush; which I think is going to play the biggest factor in the game. If they can get to Brady and cause some three and outs and let Eli get into a rhythm (especially in the 4th quarter) then the Patriots defense may just buckle. However is Gronk is healthy and they can get some quick passes early and work the middle of the field, I can see Tom saying fuck you to each of the Giants D-Linemen individually while Gronk spikes the ball so hard it causes a mini-earthquake that re-aggravates Peytons neck and forces him to retire. And you gotta think Eli’s going to throw into double coverage at least 5 times today, and so long as the Pats secondary don’t tackle each other (see: 49ers secondary) there could be a couple classic Eli picks tonight to seal the deal. Either way it fucking sucks that one of these teams has to win...</span></div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></span></div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">Prediction:</span></span></div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">Pats 34 Giants 27</span></span><br />
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">NJN</span></span></div>The Boyshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04813054682951573686noreply@blogger.com0