Out with the Old and in with the...Old?

Remember peach baskets? "It's your turn to fetch the ball Reginald!"

With the NBA season coming to a close, it's time to start reminiscing about all the fun shit that went down this year.  From Javale Mcgee's antics to Derrick Rose’s injuries, DGS is going nostalgic for a bit until things start to matter again. Playoffs, baby.

5 Things to Watch This Baseball Season

DINGERS AND BOOBS!

Now that the season has officially begun, there are a few things we think you should look out this season.

Awww Hell No

So, I was going to post an NHL playoff preview today considering the playoffs are starting and its an exciting thing but then this came to my attention, and completely fucked my whole day up...

GUILLEN WATCH!

All season DGS will be committed to presenting you with all you need to know about Ozzie Guillen's hi-jinks. Will he swear on national television? Will he win a hot-dog eating contest? Honestly, who the hell knows? Stay tuned for the latest and greatest.

Ozzie Guillen apologized for making pro-Fidel comments. The result? A five game suspension will be enforced by the team. I have no idea who this appeases, but I can only assume nobody. The season is less than 10 games in and we already have him giving props to Communist dictators. A five game suspension means shit all here. Ozzie is sympathetic towards the Cuban population of Miami, not ownership. You're in for it, Miami.

The Miami Marlins need find a fan base quick to fill their 500 million dollar stadium. Ozzie's antics may just be the thing they need. However, something tells me this is the wrong direction.

Team Status: Promising

Level of Regret in Management: Moderate

Ozzie’s Disposition: Restrained glee, with a hint of regret

Next Stunt Prediction: I would say something involving a hot-air balloon. Not sure why.

An Open Letter to Andrew Bynum

Dear Andy,

Just a few things we needed to get off of our chest:

Fuck you.

Shut the fuck up and play basketball you primadonna millionaire. It would appear you have accepted the role of the astonishing dickhead no-one expected or wanted. Perhaps throwing the tiny JJ Barea eight feet skyward in your televised attempted murder last year exhilarated you to the extent where you now feel the need to be a fucking asshole in order to be noticed. Isn't that special. However,  we feel you should know that you are sucking up all the cuntiness Kobe needs to survive. If he doesn't get his required dose of being a mutinous asshole there will be a shit storm that not even Helen Hunt could track (Twister,  1996). If you don't save some prickness for the mamba, we're positive you can kiss your hard earned 3rd place goodbye when he realizes YOU are getting away with what he needed six quality years consecutively to pull off. (SIDE NOTE: You've had three quarters of ONE quality year)

So, now that you are becoming the John McEnroe of basketball you better start being funny, or shutting the fuck up. As far as we know, you're about as funny as a bag of pretzels. Boring, salty, and everyone wonders why the fuck people put up with you; encroaching on good things (see any party-mix for more details). There's only so much room for inconsistent, injury-prone douchebags in the world of super-stardom and the magical land of people giving a flying fuck about you. We hope you realize you are one injury from becoming an after-thought once again. Do us all a solid, and shut your trap. Mike Brown should smack your testicles with a car antennae.

Sincerely,

DGS


P.S. GET THE FUCK IN THE HUDDLE

Holy Shit, It's a Podcast!

OK, we got wasted.

We actually managed to record a podcast that remained audible for long enough to be considered opinionated. Listen in while we discuss: all things March Madness, our own personal NBA MVPs, The aftermath of the Manning/Tebow situation, pre-season MLB dark-horse picks, our NHL Stanley Cup predictions, and finally, time travel for some reason.    

We apologize in advance...

There's no Coconut in this Bounty

How did we get here?

The New Orleans Saints, pre-appeal decision, have lost their head coach for the entire 2012 season.  Sean Payton was aware of Gregg William’s bounty system and in Roger Goodell’s NFL, this merits a year long suspension. Is turning a blind-eye to something as implicitly wrong as a system designed to give monetary rewards for inflicting injuries that transcend football enough to forfeit a considerable amount of expertise, and an indefinite but significant number of wins?