Wednesday, 21 March 2012

Drunk GM 2

Hi there. I'm your general manager, and I'm wasted. This is where I go onto the trade-machine and have my way with some teams. Wanna see my downstairs business? Play your cards right and I'll send some good players your way... Or call you.



As I start to write this while watching the Philly/NY game Hubie Brown says: "He got beat off the dribble."
Get it? DRIBBLE. Ahhhh you're alright.

 Ok, so I found a bottle of wine behind my house that kind of tastes like poison. The downside is I don't know what exactly is in it. The upside is, I'm drunk.

Pre D'Antoni crucifixion, the talk of the town was GET MELO THE FUCK OUTTA THERE! Even though the Knickerbockers would never do this, pre-D'Antoni-cide or after, I will be. Because, don't you see? I can do whatever I please, you greedy urchins.




I can't specify the Heyo I feel about this trade.

To Memphis: Carmelo "Yellow" Anthony
To New York: Rudy Gay, Dante Cunningham

Memphis Starting 5: Conley, Mayo (new nickname I just thought of: "The Spread" Get it?), Anthony, Randolph (if healthy), Gasol

New York Starting 5: Lin, Smith, Gay, Stoudemire, Chandler   


This trade removes the one of a kind scoring ability of Melo for a better transition player in Gay. Melo at times seems lost (I read an article that said that he said he felt lost) and stalls the Linsanity. No man should stall Linsanity, it's so insane. Linsane in my god damn membrane all game in the fucking Ukraine. However, Lin is turnover prone and Baron Davis playing as a supplemental scorer isn't exactly phenomenal. When that offense does slow down and they need ball security, off balance shots from JR "My Sister Will Punch You in the Face" Smith and Baron Davis aren't a championship option. Rudy gives you essentially Melo-lite, with a better pension for defense and transition offense, for the Linsanity, remember? Also, Memphis might be getting the better of this trade. Look at that starting five. That gives me the pee-shivers.

Downside? There is none. I am all that is man.
(Unrelated note: trading away Carmelo Anthony probably has a tremendous downside that I refuse to acknowledge)

Also, before I forget, Steve Novak is fucking awesome. That is all.

Stern's Take:
........I have a lot of fucking problems with this trade.  First of all, New York will never do this.  Donnie Walsh essentially gave away every legitimate player on New York last year in order to obtain this ball hog.  Other than that fact......this trade isn't really all that bad.  Both teams gain an advantage.  Gay might be the perfect fit for Linsanity and Amare, and Melo gives Memphis a consistent go to scorer.  Not bad drunk GM.....Not bad at all.  On the other hand, go fuck yourself.


This one goes out to the Space Needle, way to be tall.

To Portland: Sefalosha, Collison, Aldrich
To OKC: Aldridge

Portland Starting 5: (single tear) Felton, Brandon Roy's ghost, someone else?, Collison, The guy who used to be Marcus Camby

OKC Starting 5: Westbrook, Harden, Durant, Aldridge, Perkins

Portland traded away Gerald Wallace to New Jersey, aka 'Fuckyousville'. It made me sad, but then I realized why do I give a fuck about Portland? I shouldn't. I think I have residual sadness for Greg Oden and Brandon Roy... poor guys.

Anyway, a potential playoff team that began to slip traded away a key part of their team and that means they should just get it the fuck over with and give up the good stuff. Come to me Aldridge my sweet. OKC becomes the greatest team ever assembled as long as Lamarcus can accept his role in the team that is jacked to the rafters with talent. I feel like when you are on the same team as Durant you kind of just stand around the rim going "SHOOOOT!" And then missing the rebound on his only miss of the night.

Portland becomes the arm-pit of the North-West. YOU BROUGHT THIS ON YOURSELVES!

Stern's Take
Jesus fucking Christ drunk GM.  This will never, ever happen.  Portland plans to build around Aldridge for their future, and there is no upside here for Portland to make this trade.... at least throw in a fucking draft pick to make Portland want to do this trade.  If you take away the fact that Portland will never do this, OKC would be the best team of all time.  It honestly would be like a video game.  can you say 82-0?  Also, don't feel bad for Greg Oden.  He may have no knees, but size matters drunk GM. 

Drunk GM doesn't take notes. Fuck y'all.

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