So a few of my friends decided that they like our site, and a some even wanted to write a few things for us. I said of course. Any less unpaid work I have to do is fine with me.
We've all been busier than usual, which means less drinking, less writing, less podcasts (you wouldn't think that was possible), and more actual work. However, a few people out there (god bless'em) have the time to drink copious amounts of alcohol in these times of essays and midterms. So you could imagine my excitement when I found this drunken gem in my inbox a few days ago. My good buddy Kyle took it on himself to write an article that not only makes zero sense, but will also offend hockey fans everywhere. I am a huge fan of this piece as it exemplifies what it means to be a nonsensical drunken silly-nanny.
Without further ado, the completely unedited,
Kyle: On The Leafs
The Toronto maple leafs were sent from heaven. God took a crap and there we are!
Seeing the maple leafs for the first time is like watching someone run down a fifty dollar bill and realizing after five minutes some douche took a shit inside that bill.
When you watch the Toronto maple leafs for the first time you get so excited, then boom! they shit in your hand. Hahaha you dildos don’t realize! YOUR! The puss in a can, and the leafs are about to fuck you. Ha-ha I’m sorry I’m a huge leaf fan and right about now filthy Phil looks like Fergie & jesus. 5 goals in 3 games, I’m sorry but that’s got me harder then Lance Bass at an N-Sync concert. The leafs have won three in a row, but the experts would say “they’re on pace for 82”. On a serious note Brendan Shanahan took a 2 minute breather from fucking Gary Betman in the ear to give us this announcement. “ I am currently cancelling the season in order for no other teams to get fucked by the maple leafs; so, we automatically give the Stanley cup to the Toronto maple leafs.
Leafs end of season record
81-0-1
The single tie is Toronto vs. Lee Stempniak
-Kyle S
Hope you enjoyed, and I hope to get this maniac writing some more slurred nonsense soon!
-BJWS
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