Sunday, 5 February 2012


The two shittiest sports cities with the worst fucking fans on the planet are playing in the Super Bowl today which is horse shit because that means one of those fan bases gets to celebrate yet another championship... spoiled fucks... But I guess the benefit is that the other team has to lose and we can all marvel at a bunch of grown men crying with funny accents. 

Why Boston sucks...
I actually like Boston as a city. I’ve been there before, and it was lovely. But fuck their sports fans and their spoiled shitty attitudes. The Celtics, Bruins, Patriots and Red Sox have all won championships since I’ve been of drinking age (not the legal age, but the age in which I started getting adults in front of the LCBO to buy me 40’s of Colt 45 and getting drunk in people's basements)

 and that’s bullshit because the only thing that I’ve been able to celebrate is an Argo’s Grey Cup and the Toronto Rock winning the NLL... If you don’t know what either of those things are, you now realize how shitty it is being a Toronto fan as of late. Even with all of the success Boston fans have been having lately, they still find thousands of ways to bitch and moan about their teams. Oh my pitcher was drinking beer and eating chicken wings... Oh my goalie didn’t go to the White House... Oh my quarterback wears Uggs... Just shut the fuck up already and enjoy just how lucky you guys are.

I honestly cant imagine what happens if the Pats lose today... It’ll be over 10 years since TAWWMY won a Super Bowl, and they would have lost their past two Super Bowls to the New York Yankee football team. All that needs to happen after this is for the Red Sox to finish below the Yankees, Rays and Jays in the standings and the streets of Boston erupt with the flames of fury emitting from Bill Simmon's eyeballs...

Why New York sucks....

New York just sucks... 

Sure the city is cool because it’s big and there’s a lot to do. But the people there are fucking assholes. Unlike Boston fans, New York fans haven’t been nearly as spoiled (Yankees not included because, fuck that). The Rangers haven’t won since '94, the Islanders are barely a thing, the Knicks are underachieving at a comical level, and although the Jets would have you believe they’ve won the past 3 Super Bowls, have continued to not do shit.

However if the Giants win today, that’ll be two Super Bowls in 4 years, and New Yorkers will jump all over the word dynasty and start talking about how Eli and Coughlin have surpassed Brady and Bill and will become 1000% more obnoxious then any Boston fan could dream of being. Even though I’m an Eagles fan and hate New York just because they're New York, there are plenty of people out there who will agree with the assessment that New York fans are complete douche bags and the last thing we need is for New York to have two teams they can call dynasties.

The Game
We all know the story lines, we’ve been spoon fed them for two weeks now. I’m cheering for the Pats and I also think they’re going to win. The fact that they don’t play defense makes me nervous, and if Gronk can’t go it fucks everything up. But I don’t think the Tom Brady factor can be understated. There is no way Brady is going to let the little dweeb Eli Manning beat him in the Super Bowl twice, he just can’t. He’s married to fucking Giselle... Eli still gets his lunches packed by Mamma Manning. 

Brady won’t lose, even if he has to put up 40 points (which he may have to). There’s been a lot of talk about the Giants pass rush; which I think is going to play the biggest factor in the game. If they can get to Brady and cause some three and outs and let Eli get into a rhythm (especially in the 4th quarter) then the Patriots defense may just buckle. However is Gronk is healthy and they can get some quick passes early and work the middle of the field, I can see Tom saying fuck you to each of the Giants D-Linemen individually while Gronk spikes the ball so hard it causes a mini-earthquake that re-aggravates Peytons neck and forces him to retire. And you gotta think Eli’s going to throw into double coverage at least 5 times today, and so long as the Pats secondary don’t tackle each other (see: 49ers secondary) there could be a couple classic Eli picks tonight to seal the deal. Either way it fucking sucks that one of these teams has to win...
Pats 34 Giants 27


No comments:

Post a Comment