Saturday, 24 September 2011

Hangover Saturday: The Bengals Did Something Illegal Again...

$2.50 jager bombs really kick you in the ass the next morning. I went 11-5 last week which moves me to 19-12 for the season...not bad for someone who could have been declared legally blind last night. Again the slate for games this week isn’t that special, but it should weed out some teams that have been hanging around the past 2 weeks that have no business even being considered a contender (the bills). So lets get into some of the more intriguing matchups then I’ll make my picks for the rest of the game, then I’m going to sweat out something that would get you more fucked up then four loko.

The Texans have finally arrived to the dance and ladies that ain’t toilet paper down there, they’re 100% legit. After two weeks I think it’s fair to say the Texans are the team to beat in the AFC South and could even make a splash come playoff time. However this week will be their first real test when they have to go into the Superdome and listen to a bunch of drunk southerners yell improper grammar (Who Dat...Really?). The Saints put their tough week one loss behind them and exposed the Bears for the frauds they are. A win this week would be huge for the Saints as either the Bucs or Falcons will be 2-1 and the Saints would love to keep pace. Arian Foster is still pretty banged up and the Saints look like a team ready to make a run in the NFC. Saints win in a slugfest and the Texans solidify themselves as a team that doesn’t need to stuff their crotch anymore.

Apparently the big story going into this one is the fact that the Giants are pissed that over-the-hill 5th on the depth chart wide receiver Steve Smith signed with the Eagles. Really though, when Riley Cooper is ahead of you on the charts, you’re about as important as a white corner. Last time these two teams played Tom Coughlin turned into a grumpy grandpa yelling at his grandkid for stealing his hard candy.

The Eagles front four looks nasty right now and Eli has been known to make some bad decisions from time to time. Bradshaw will put up some big numbers but it won’t be enough for the Giants to beat the Eagles with or without Vick.

Both teams are coming off 4th quarter comeback wins and are looking to pass each other in the division. Tampa needed some last minute heroics to avoid a humiliating loss to the Vikes but got the job done, and the Falcons relied on some big runs from Turner and a Vick head injury to pull off an undeserved win.  Through two weeks the Falcons haven’t really played up to their potential and need to get their shit together if they want to keep up with the Saints. Tampas a sexy pick here but I think the Falcons finally hit their offensive stride and go big against the Bucs.

My picks for the rest of week 3,

TAHMY is playing chess while the rest of the league is playing checkers. Bills get a reminder that they actually have to play good teams. Pats humble the Bills

Cammy Cam is the best quarterback ever in the history of history. He’ll get his first win against the Jags

6 pounds of dope! The Bengals organization is about as legitimate as the warden from Shawshank Redemption. No wonder Carson Palmer wants the fuck out, he realizes if he plays one more season there he will go to jail, simply through association. A.J. Green, you’re next. San Fran wins.

Dolphins not in Miami, may as well be a lock. The fins are desperate and need to win, and Cleveland fucked me week one. Miami wins

The Lions are good, the Vikings are not. Lions win.

The second coming got some playing time at WR and man did he look like a winner with great work ethic. Titans win at home.

Oakland fucked up against the Bills, they sure as shit don’t stand a chance against the Jets.

Jamal Charles tore his ACL on the first down thingy... ARE YOU KIDDING ME!!?? First Stephen Jackson gets hurt while running in a straight line and now this. My fantasy football team has as good a chance of making the playoffs as Josh does passing a psychiatric evaluation.  San Diego wins and I’ll be praying all day that Thomas Jones gets running from the cop speed and saves my team.

The Ravens let the Steelers back in it by blowing an easy win against the Titans. Don’t expect them to do it again, and if they do, Ray Lewis may kill a guy again...Allegedly.

Ravens win.

Thank God Chicago isn’t good, otherwise I would have looked like an ass. Their Defence is overrated and Jay Cutler is a poor man’s Philip Rivers.

Green Bay looks great and should roll past Da Bears.

Seattle, another team that’s just not good. Kolb finally hooked up with Fitz for a TD last week, look for that to happen a lot this week. Arizona wins.

NBC was probably drooling over this game when the schedule was first announced. You could have made a drinking game over how many times Tony Dungy said “Peyton Manning.” Now this game looks worse than the turd Brad just left in our toilet. Pittsburgh wins and I still probably play that drinking game because we all know Tony just can’t help himself.

The Redskins are leading the NFC East! Holy flying pigs!

The Sexiness just keeps sticking it to the NFL, and in what could be the happiest night of my life, Rex Grossman outperforms Tony Romo and the Skins win. 


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