Saturday, 7 April 2012

An Open Letter to Andrew Bynum

Dear Andy,

Just a few things we needed to get off of our chest:

Fuck you.

Shut the fuck up and play basketball you primadonna millionaire. It would appear you have accepted the role of the astonishing dickhead no-one expected or wanted. Perhaps throwing the tiny JJ Barea eight feet skyward in your televised attempted murder last year exhilarated you to the extent where you now feel the need to be a fucking asshole in order to be noticed. Isn't that special. However,  we feel you should know that you are sucking up all the cuntiness Kobe needs to survive. If he doesn't get his required dose of being a mutinous asshole there will be a shit storm that not even Helen Hunt could track (Twister,  1996). If you don't save some prickness for the mamba, we're positive you can kiss your hard earned 3rd place goodbye when he realizes YOU are getting away with what he needed six quality years consecutively to pull off. (SIDE NOTE: You've had three quarters of ONE quality year)

So, now that you are becoming the John McEnroe of basketball you better start being funny, or shutting the fuck up. As far as we know, you're about as funny as a bag of pretzels. Boring, salty, and everyone wonders why the fuck people put up with you; encroaching on good things (see any party-mix for more details). There's only so much room for inconsistent, injury-prone douchebags in the world of super-stardom and the magical land of people giving a flying fuck about you. We hope you realize you are one injury from becoming an after-thought once again. Do us all a solid, and shut your trap. Mike Brown should smack your testicles with a car antennae.





    Q: Exactly how easy is it to shut out a team in the playoffs???
    A: OKC said super easy!!!!!

    OKAY....hur hur hur too soon?? Heres a better brain teaser:
    Q: How many Bynums does it take to shut out a team in the playoffs?????
    A: ZERO
    .... Mwah ah ah ah.....if you aren't laughing at this point DO NOT SCROLL DOWN...

    Before I start to regurgitate all over this post...I'd like to start out by saying I LIKE THE LAKERS...THE LAKERS!
    However, Bynum, -just bc you wear the jersey and you had a few decent games doesn't mean you have earned the right to have pretentious diarrhea of the mouth.

    You are well on your way to becoming the next lebron james..... And lebron james is well on his way to the local liquor store after his dream of a championship ring becomes a reality of winning the nba championship on his souped up Xbox due to his obnoxous, basketball-floppin' attitude! CONGRATS BYNUM!

    I suggest you find some code for your Xbox however because I doubt you are already a template laker player....change ur attitude or change ur jersey.