Saturday, 28 April 2012

Sex, Drugs and Playoffs: Eastern Conference

Where the fuck has the time gone? 

I remember when David Stern was twisting this league by the balls during lockout negotiations, how little hope I had for a 2012 NBA season.  Then, suddenly, on that glorious November evening, an agreement was made to end the lockout and basketball was back in our lives.  The honeymoon phase felt like it was yesterday, and the sex was nice too.  Skip through the boring middle of the NBA season and now the action is starting to heat up: the divorce.  It’s been a good run (season) but its time to close things up (file the papers), and only one team (person) can come out on top (NBA Champions).  Hearts will be broken, heroes will be made, souls will be eaten, and Scalabrine will rein (I’m a poet and I didn’t even know it).

Pictures speak louder than words
Until the NBA Finals, DrunkGuySports will be previewing every series in every round until we are crowned a winner.  The 2012 NBA playoffs promise to be as entertaining as the first time you watched Indiana Jones, and as dramatic as watching a fat kids reaction when he finds out the ice cream store ran out of chocolate.  The point is, there is nothing like playoff basketball, so lets see what the eastern conference has in store of us:

#1 Chicago Bulls Vs #8 Philadelphia 76'ers

The Chicago Bulls played a complete style of basketball the entire season, and their record holds true.  They play hard every night, defend on every possession and are thriving off the resurgence of Loul Deng.  That being said, Chicago has a chance to sweep this team, and in my mind Chitown can beat Philly in a 7 games series even if Derrick Rose wasn’t playing.

That doesn’t mean the Philadelphia is bad, in fact they also played a complete style of basketball this year.  To me they are a true team, they play off each other and each person knows their role.  You know team chemistry is working when your leading scorer is coming off the bench.  Unfortunately, this is just an awful matchup for them since Chicago has them beat at every position.  I bet they regret that awful slump they had post all-star game that made them finish with the #8 seed.  Unfortunately for Philly, it will be another first round exit to a superior team yet again.

Chicago in 4

Mr. West Side's Take:  
It's hard for me to see Philly getting swept here. But, then again it's the first round of the NBA Playoffs: The week the broom companies call "Broomas" (That's Broom and Christmas combined for those who didn't understand my terrible joke). Good pick.

#2 Miami Heat Vs #7 New York Knicks

I just came a little (and you think I am joking).

This is going to be the best series of all time.  This series is going to be as intense as that 300 movie, the 10-second countdown from Rocky II and the Cuban Missile Crisis rolled into one.  I’m picturing Wade and Lebron going shot for shot with Melo, and I’m already mesmerized, and this is all in my fucking head too.  There is going to be so much swagger in this series, Tupac's hologram is going to have a hissy fit that no one is paying attention to him anymore.

Believe it or not, New York has a shot at taking this series.  Since the NBA is rigged for profit, David Stern will not allow this series to have no less than 7 games, the first 6 games will be meaningless.  However, they will be entertaining.  The Lebron questions are sure to come out of its shell, and don’t forget about the chemistry issues in New York (also, I’m praying someone on Miami gets jiggy with Lebrons mom).  Shot for shot, I think New York has more weapons the Miami.  They also have the biggest x-factor in the NBA: Tyson Chandler

Tyson Chandler single-handedly anchored the Knicks defense this season, and is deserving of the defensive player of the year award because of this.  Last season, Tyson did the exact same thing and lead Dallas to a NBA championship.  If Tyson can lock down the middle and frustrate Miami’s stars like he did last series he faced against the Heat, New York has a shot. In my mind, Tyson is the key to this series for both sides; if Miami can find a way by him, the Heat win this series.  However, if Tyson continues to man up like he has been all season, and stirs up some fire and a defensive attitude into the Knicks, this is going to be one hell of a series New York can steal.

New York in 7

Mr. West Side's Take:
I did make this bold prediction in our last podcast, so I don't hate this pick. Unfortunately, I hate myself and am I gigantic moron... This is a bad pick, Josh.

#3 Indiana Pacers Vs Orlando Magic

This could have been a series

If Dwight Howard was healthy enough to play, this would actually make a very entertaining series.  Indiana has turned heads this year with their consistent play and the emergence of young big man Roy Hibbert.  David West provides leadership they desperately needed as well as a second threat on offense.  Indiana is the real deal. 

Orlando can score.  They live and die by the three, and even though Indiana claimed that Orlando is still a threat without Dwight, Big Baby Davis just hurt his ankle and claims it still hurts, although he will play.  Orlando is too bruised to make this a series, they may win a game by scoring 50+ points from the three point line, but again, one win doesn’t win you a series.  You don’t win series with J.J. Reddick shooting 15+ shots; it just doesn’t work like that. 

Bye Bye Orlando, and bye bye Dwight, but that’s a whole other story right there.

Indiana in 5

Mr. West Side's Take:
When your go-to for point production is JJ Reddick, and your team is not 2006 Duke - you're kind of fucked. Indiana is quietly becoming the team I wish I was smart enough to have picked a while ago. OH WAIT, MY 800$ PAYOUT FROM THE SPORTS BOOK AT THE MANADALAY BAY CASINO SAYS OTHERWISE! I'm a fucking genius.

#4 Boston Celtics Vs #5 Atlanta Hawks

Boston will take this series as Atlanta has failed pull together a playoff run year after year.  Boston is bigger, stronger, tougher and just an overall better team.  This is also Boston’s final run with their big three + Rondo, so they are going to give Atlanta and any team that faces them everything they got.  Even with Al Horford, Atlanta would not be able to handle these old time Celtics.

Atlanta will compete and make a series out of this, but Boston will just out muscle them physically and mentally to take this series.  I know this series has a really boring preview, but I can assure you its going to be a really boring series.  

Boston in 6.

Mr. West Side's Take:
Could this go down as the most boring series in NBA history? I picture it being a cross between paint drying and re-runs of JAG. Celtics win, BOOORING.

Until next round,


Be sure to check out our Western Conference preview of the first round!

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