Saturday, 28 April 2012

Sex, Drugs and Playoffs: Western Conference

Where the fuck has the time gone? 

I remember when David Stern was twisting this league by the balls during lockout negotiations, how little hope I had for a 2012 NBA season.  Then, suddenly, on that glorious November evening, an agreement was made to end the lockout and basketball was back in our lives.  The honeymoon phase felt like yesterday, and the sex was nice too.  Skip through the boring middle of the NBA season and now the action is starting to heat up: the divorce.  It’s been a good run (season) but its time to close things up (file the papers), and only one team (person) can come out on top (NBA Champions) 

(EDITOR'S NOTE: You know a shocking amount about divorce for a 21 year-old spinster).  

Hearts will be broken, heroes will be made, souls will be eaten, and Scalabrine will rein (I’m a poet and didn’t even know it).

Pictures speak louder than words

Until the NBA Finals, DrunkGuySports will be previewing every series in every round until a winner is crowned.  The 2012 NBA playoffs promise to be as entertaining as the first time you watched Indiana Jones, and as dramatic as watching a fat kids reaction when he finds out the ice cream store ran out of chocolate.  The point is, there is nothing like playoff basketball, so lets see what the Wild Wild West has in store of us (I hope you enjoyed that seamless Will Smith reference as much as I did):

#1 San Antonio Spurs Vs #8 Utah Jazz
Utah: Where a few people know your name...
San Antonio will not screw this up again, that is a DrunkGuyPromise.  Last year, San Antonio posted the best record in the west and lost to the eighth seeded Grizzlies who barley made the playoffs.  The Jazz enter the playoffs in a very similar situation, but they clearly do not have the tools to pull off a Memphis style run.  I think the Jazz can compete; they have a wicked home court and for a supposedly rebuilding team making a playoff run in their first rebuilding year, not bad at all you crazy Mormons.  Paul Millsap and Al Jefferson are the real deal, but I'd rather have Mr. Bank Shot Tim Duncan in any day or age.  

Unfortunately for Utah, the Spurs are built for this type of team.  Utah is deep, and everyone can contribute.  However, San Antonio is deeper and everyone on their roster can contribute more quality minutes than Utah’s roster.  Baring any injuries - San Antonio should have this series in the bag, most likely dropping 1-2 due to the crazies in Utah.

San Antonio in 5.

Mr. West Side's Take:
I agree, San Antonio needs to be featured on a Cialis commercial soon. "WE CAN STILL GET IT DONE!" *wink at camera*

#2 Oklahoma City Thunder Vs #7 Dallas Mavericks.
Nice Mug Shots
OKC is primed for another title run and Dallas is on its last legs.  This has the potential to be as entertaining as the Western Conference Finals matchup a year ago between these two teams.  Although Dallas has been playing some serious ball since the all-star break (we assume all the old timers needed the previous months to get into shape), I don’t believe they have the legs to keep up with OKC time time around. 

Durant and Westbrook will continue to wow us on offense, and Dallas will have no response for that.  Dallas can only win if two miracles occur: 1) Dirk plays to the godly level he played in last years playoffs, and 2) Dallas plays its best defense since last years finals.  Since Tyson Chandler is not on Dallas’s roster, don’t count on any of these miracles. 

Also, its time to start fearing the beard.  Luckily for us, we get to see the two of the best players off the bench in the past decade in James Harden and Jason Terry.  This series will be the stepping stone for James Harden's career, as he goes shot for shot with Jason Terry to lead their respectful bench units.  Bearing Harden recovers from World Peace's 'Mike Tyson' of an elbow, it's going to be special when these two are on the court, as we watch the young gun in Harden take the throne from Jason Terry as best scorer off the bench.

Thunder in 5

Mr. West Side's Take:
Passing the torch of best bench scorer has to be one of the best asteisms ever. Also, I'm afraid that Harden no long has two ears after that 'bow. Metta brought all the peace in the world on that one. OKC is the right pick, though.  

#3 Los Angeles Lakers Vs #6 Denver Nuggets
need caption? denver is looking at mcgee, maybe he did something
Honestly, this will be the most boring series in the West.  The Lakers will win, but it will be a frustrating battle for them as they try to work out the kinks in their offense and defense.  Kobe Bryant has yet to play/practice a full week since his shin injuries, so we have no idea how he’s going to respond to Bynum’s emergence.  The Lakers have the best chance to shoot themselves in the foot in this series. 

Denver is a deep team and everyone can contribute on a nightly basis.  What they’re missing is the star power, they don’t have that one person who can take over games when need be, and that’s something the Lakers need to take advantage of.  Ty Lawson is Denver’s X-factor.  If he can turn it on and play like J.J. Barea did for Dallas lat playoffs, he can really make life a living hell for the Lakers.  We know they struggle against fast point guards, and Sessions hasn’t really been tested yet, so this matchup can be very interesting.

All in all, I have the Lakers winning.  They wont dominate, and they’ll let Denver stick around, probably to prolong the series so Metta World Peace can come back and throw another elbow when they face OKC in the second round.  Denver can take this series, but they need to ride Lawson and play incredible defense on Bynum and Gasol

*Meanwhile, Javale Mcgee is off doing god knows what

Lakers in 6

Mr. West Side's Take:
Denver is a team that makes people go: "Oh yeah, forgot they existed for a minute." No star power, but they have been getting it done all season. That being said, Kobe has been acting extra Kobe lately, and I would even push this to a potential sweep. Happy Broomas y'all.  

#4 Memphis Grizzlies Vs #5 Los Angeles Clippers

This has the potential to be one of the most entertaining series in the entire west.  “Lob City” is going to try to show everyone they mean business after finally making the playoffs for the first time since the Cold War.  Memphis, however, is going to take this opportunity and pounce on it.  We all know how hard they played last playoffs, taking OKC to 7 games before being ousted.  Memphis is going to come out with that exact energy from last year, and in my mind will take this series.

Memphis has marked this day in their calendar since last year.  They know they are a playoff team, and in their mind can beat anyone in the West in a seven game series.  I bet they’re laughing at the Clippers, only because they’re standing in Memphis’s way. Gay (not that there’s anything wrong with that) and company have all the tools to beat the Clippers offensively and defensively.  Clippers will try, but not even the heroics of Chris Paul, who may or may not be injured for this series, can dig the Clippers out of this round victorious.

Side Note: who gets the first flagrant foul/offensive foul/shove on Blake Griffin? My moneys on Gay.

Memphis in 6

Mr. West Side's Take:
I picked Memphis to go deep this year purely based on last season. You would think having Gay this time around would give them some leverage. CP3 is frightening in the playoffs though. I see this going seven games and being one of the best first round series' EVER. DUNKS! PASSES! A GASOL BROTHER! ZEEBO! A 37% CLIPPER FREE THROW %! CP3 ALWAYS BEING ANGRY! ETC.!

Be sure to check out our Eastern Conference playoff preview of the first round!

Until next round,


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